We had a wonderful day today, picnicking with friends on the Greenway. I feel like a hardcore New Yorker, as I took my son swimming in the Hudson. (Yes, I know alternately YAY and YUCK!...I feel the same way:-) He LOVED it. He's a water baby just like his mama! I am now even more excited for the summer.
Today is also emotional. I am sitting at home smiling and tearing up at the same time as I remember last Memorial Day. We spent a wonderful weekend with my BFF and her husband Upstate, drove home on Tuesday, and while we were returning the rental car learned that we had a court date in Ethiopia of July 1. That phone call ushered in the craziest 4 weeks of my life (planning travel to and an extended stay in Ethiopia, taking the hardest class of my MBA program and on a compressed summer schedule no less, going on a business trip to Russia, and preparing my associates and supervisor at work for my maternity leave that was going to start in just 4 weeks--we had not yet shared our adoption plans since there were so many unknowns in terms of timing and it was not a family-friendly environment) and represented the final leg of our journey before we met B.
Those moments in the rental car parking lot last year were full of pure joy, adrenaline, and excitement. Later we had more sobering reflections on the gravity of B's birth family's court date and situation, the deep sorrow and losses he had already experienced in his short life, and the unknowns of who this 2 1/2 year old boy would be and what that would/could mean for us, for him, and for our family. But for a few hot, sunny, surreal moments in a parking lot in Fort Lee, New Jersey we just experienced joy learning that we were almost there, almost with the precious little boy who was an orphan then but was about to be our son.
One year later, my house is full of trucks, cars, bikes, and balls; there is dirt, sand and whatever else lies at the bottom of the Hudson lining my front hall; an overly tired and much beloved little boy is softly snoring in my bed; and my heart is so, so full. He is my son. He is our son. He is God's son.
I am so grateful that I get to be his mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the excitement of packing and planning; the anticipation of meeting him, of traveling to Ethiopia and of undergoing a seismic change in our family and our lives; but I don't miss the pain of uncertainty, the fear of being too excited because something, anything, could change at any moment and we could end up not being his parents and what would that mean for him?...what would that mean for us?; the concern that there would be issues at my work (there were but they were so worth it!); or the worry of adjusting to being a family--us becoming parents, him becoming our son.
This Memorial Day weekend, I am tired; I can be overwhelmed by the business of our lives; I think I might have parasites:-( (B definitely still does and is on yet another round of treatment); but I am also so full of joy, contentment, thankfulness, and peace.
This year has been full of so much change for our family I can hardly wrap my head around it:
-becoming B's parents
-living in Ethiopia for 3 months
-Ababa training for and becoming an EMT
-Ababa starting school to complete his med school pre-reqs
-beginning the journey of bonding and attachment
-becoming a family
-parenting B who was at once a newborn (in family age), an early toddler (in developmental and language skills), an older toddler/preschooler (in actual age), and a very old soul (in the depth of loss and transition he was facing)
-navigating our marriage as we became parents
-working out our faith as we were rocked to the core by the intense poverty and need we saw in Ethiopia
-me changing jobs (and leaving my previous job in an unfortunately, and unnecessarily, negative and dramatic situation)
-Ababa starting his job as an EMT
-finding childcare for B after one of us constantly being with him for the first 7 months
-figuring out preK for B (we live in NYC, 'nough said on that)
-trying to maintain contact with friends and family through all of these experiences
Since we got the phone call with our court date last Memorial Day weekend, I feel like our lives have been going on warp speed. We are trying to slow down, to savor these precious moments, but they are flying by.
Throughout this dizzying, confusing, overwhelming, awe-inspiring, soul-shaking year, we know that we don't have "the answers" but we are holding tight to these truths:
God is good.
God loves us.
We are His beloved children.
He has brought us together as a family: Ababa, Mama, and B
I don't know what the future holds for our family, I don't know when this insane warp-speed experience will slow down a little, if ever, but I know these to be true and I am so grateful.
Today is also emotional. I am sitting at home smiling and tearing up at the same time as I remember last Memorial Day. We spent a wonderful weekend with my BFF and her husband Upstate, drove home on Tuesday, and while we were returning the rental car learned that we had a court date in Ethiopia of July 1. That phone call ushered in the craziest 4 weeks of my life (planning travel to and an extended stay in Ethiopia, taking the hardest class of my MBA program and on a compressed summer schedule no less, going on a business trip to Russia, and preparing my associates and supervisor at work for my maternity leave that was going to start in just 4 weeks--we had not yet shared our adoption plans since there were so many unknowns in terms of timing and it was not a family-friendly environment) and represented the final leg of our journey before we met B.
Those moments in the rental car parking lot last year were full of pure joy, adrenaline, and excitement. Later we had more sobering reflections on the gravity of B's birth family's court date and situation, the deep sorrow and losses he had already experienced in his short life, and the unknowns of who this 2 1/2 year old boy would be and what that would/could mean for us, for him, and for our family. But for a few hot, sunny, surreal moments in a parking lot in Fort Lee, New Jersey we just experienced joy learning that we were almost there, almost with the precious little boy who was an orphan then but was about to be our son.
One year later, my house is full of trucks, cars, bikes, and balls; there is dirt, sand and whatever else lies at the bottom of the Hudson lining my front hall; an overly tired and much beloved little boy is softly snoring in my bed; and my heart is so, so full. He is my son. He is our son. He is God's son.
I am so grateful that I get to be his mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the excitement of packing and planning; the anticipation of meeting him, of traveling to Ethiopia and of undergoing a seismic change in our family and our lives; but I don't miss the pain of uncertainty, the fear of being too excited because something, anything, could change at any moment and we could end up not being his parents and what would that mean for him?...what would that mean for us?; the concern that there would be issues at my work (there were but they were so worth it!); or the worry of adjusting to being a family--us becoming parents, him becoming our son.
This Memorial Day weekend, I am tired; I can be overwhelmed by the business of our lives; I think I might have parasites:-( (B definitely still does and is on yet another round of treatment); but I am also so full of joy, contentment, thankfulness, and peace.
This year has been full of so much change for our family I can hardly wrap my head around it:
-becoming B's parents
-living in Ethiopia for 3 months
-Ababa training for and becoming an EMT
-Ababa starting school to complete his med school pre-reqs
-beginning the journey of bonding and attachment
-becoming a family
-parenting B who was at once a newborn (in family age), an early toddler (in developmental and language skills), an older toddler/preschooler (in actual age), and a very old soul (in the depth of loss and transition he was facing)
-navigating our marriage as we became parents
-working out our faith as we were rocked to the core by the intense poverty and need we saw in Ethiopia
-me changing jobs (and leaving my previous job in an unfortunately, and unnecessarily, negative and dramatic situation)
-Ababa starting his job as an EMT
-finding childcare for B after one of us constantly being with him for the first 7 months
-figuring out preK for B (we live in NYC, 'nough said on that)
-trying to maintain contact with friends and family through all of these experiences
Since we got the phone call with our court date last Memorial Day weekend, I feel like our lives have been going on warp speed. We are trying to slow down, to savor these precious moments, but they are flying by.
Throughout this dizzying, confusing, overwhelming, awe-inspiring, soul-shaking year, we know that we don't have "the answers" but we are holding tight to these truths:
God is good.
God loves us.
We are His beloved children.
He has brought us together as a family: Ababa, Mama, and B
I don't know what the future holds for our family, I don't know when this insane warp-speed experience will slow down a little, if ever, but I know these to be true and I am so grateful.
Love this post...God is good.
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