We finally received B's "Lifebook" last week. We are so grateful to have this but please don't ask us about it. The details of his story and family in Ethiopia are his to learn and share as he gets older. We will share with him as he grows up in age and developmentally appropriate ways and it really doesn't seem fair for other family members/friends to know before he does:-)
This is his life and his story. We are thrilled that you have been on this journey with us and that you love him and are interested in his story, but please understand that we won't be offering details from this Lifebook. If there are things that you know, think you know, or have gleaned from "reading between the lines" or from other conversations about B's history/relatives in Ethiopia or circumstances surrounding his adoption, please keep those to yourself and try not to ask us about them or discuss them with others. We want to protect B's story for him as much as possible so that he can choose when and how much to share on his own. Please help us with this!
Our Lifebook was very different from what we thought it would be, so for anyone who is traveling this adoption road, I wanted to share what we thought it would be (and wish that agencies would do) and what we got.
We were initially told that the Lifebook would be assembled before we were submitted to Embassy so that the Embassy would have a full and thorough case for his visa/orphan status/adoption process. We thought that was awesome, and expected a comprehensive collection of all his adoption documents, pictures, and video of interviews with extended family members/finders/relinquishers, etc.
Well, we finally got the "Lifebook" almost exactly 1 year after we were submitted to Embassy and it consists solely of one video interview with one person.
Again, we are thrilled to have this important interview for B in the future and we hope that it accurately portrays his story, but one interview with one person may or may not accomplish that...
To our agency's credit, they retained an independent firm, EthioStork, to do these interviews. I fully support that, but am frustrated that this due diligence was not performed before the Embassy process, that it doesn't include more than this one interview, that there are inconsistencies that were not explored in greater detail, and that the interview was finally completed in March and we just now received it.
I'm sure that Lifebooks vary by child/adoption case, but have to say that we expected more, especially given the one year delay...
Along with this, we've been practicing responses to well-meaning but invasive questions about B's history before he joined our family. Following some awkward encounters with other adoptive families and/or interested in adopting families at the playground the best we have so far is:
re adoption
"I'd be delighted to talk to about our adoption process. B is almost 4 and understands everything that is said around him. The details of his unique history are for him to share when he's older but I'd be happy to discuss our adoption process and time in Addis."
or re his lifebook
"We're saving the details of his history and Lifebook for him when he is older, but we're very happy to have received this video interview with an important person in his life. I know that it will be very special to him when he is older."
This is his life and his story. We are thrilled that you have been on this journey with us and that you love him and are interested in his story, but please understand that we won't be offering details from this Lifebook. If there are things that you know, think you know, or have gleaned from "reading between the lines" or from other conversations about B's history/relatives in Ethiopia or circumstances surrounding his adoption, please keep those to yourself and try not to ask us about them or discuss them with others. We want to protect B's story for him as much as possible so that he can choose when and how much to share on his own. Please help us with this!
Our Lifebook was very different from what we thought it would be, so for anyone who is traveling this adoption road, I wanted to share what we thought it would be (and wish that agencies would do) and what we got.
We were initially told that the Lifebook would be assembled before we were submitted to Embassy so that the Embassy would have a full and thorough case for his visa/orphan status/adoption process. We thought that was awesome, and expected a comprehensive collection of all his adoption documents, pictures, and video of interviews with extended family members/finders/relinquishers, etc.
Well, we finally got the "Lifebook" almost exactly 1 year after we were submitted to Embassy and it consists solely of one video interview with one person.
Again, we are thrilled to have this important interview for B in the future and we hope that it accurately portrays his story, but one interview with one person may or may not accomplish that...
To our agency's credit, they retained an independent firm, EthioStork, to do these interviews. I fully support that, but am frustrated that this due diligence was not performed before the Embassy process, that it doesn't include more than this one interview, that there are inconsistencies that were not explored in greater detail, and that the interview was finally completed in March and we just now received it.
I'm sure that Lifebooks vary by child/adoption case, but have to say that we expected more, especially given the one year delay...
Along with this, we've been practicing responses to well-meaning but invasive questions about B's history before he joined our family. Following some awkward encounters with other adoptive families and/or interested in adopting families at the playground the best we have so far is:
re adoption
"I'd be delighted to talk to about our adoption process. B is almost 4 and understands everything that is said around him. The details of his unique history are for him to share when he's older but I'd be happy to discuss our adoption process and time in Addis."
or re his lifebook
"We're saving the details of his history and Lifebook for him when he is older, but we're very happy to have received this video interview with an important person in his life. I know that it will be very special to him when he is older."
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