Mother's Day

Since blogger had some major issues yesterday, I'm posting my Mother's Day post today:-) 

Hopefully next year I will be a mother on Mother's Day (as Ababa would say, "If God say the same"). 

I have been blessed to know a lot of great mothers: my mother, Ababa's mother, my grandmothers, my friends who are mothers...strong, intelligent, loving women whose hearts are full of love for their children.  I want to be like them:-)

We will never get to meet B's birth mother.  Hopefully we will learn more about her life and death when we travel to Ethiopia; however, even though she has passed on we want to keep her memory alive for B and acknowledge the incredible role she played in his life.  He is, and will always be, part of her and she is, and always will be, part of him.

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

We're back:-) and some thoughts on children and families...

I know the suspense is killing you, but our BIG NEWS will have to wait a few more weeks...

Now that we have that out of the way, let's get this blog back up and running again:-)

Throughout this adoption process we've thought a lot about children and birth families and adoptive families and the process of adoption.  In the past few weeks we've thought even longer and harder about these issues as Ethiopian adoption is encountering increasing scrutiny from the Ethiopian government and the US Embassy.   I'm sure we'll do more in-depth posts about each of these thoughts, but for today here's a summary of where we are (I know some of these statements are kind of inflammatory, we'll provide more explanation of why we feel this way in the in-depth posts)...so you'll have to stop back and read those:-) 

1. The process of adoption is to provide children who do not have families that can take care for them with new families who will unconditionally love them and care for them.

2. International adoption where a family in the developed world is adopting a child who was born into a family in the developing world is fraught with inequalities, ethical dilemmas, and challenges.  These arise not only in the circumstances of the birth and adoptive families, but also in the entire adoptive process.

3. Because of these inequalities and challenges it is imperative that families, agencies, and governments of developed countries who are engaging in international adoption go over and above to ensure the process is unfolding in an ethical way.  Right now Ethiopia and the US are trying to figure out the best way to do this on a governmental/legal level, but adoptive families and agencies play a critical role in this process.  Prospective adoptive parents should base their adoption choices on what will best help ensure ethical and transparent adoption practices and the adoption of a child who does not currently have a family who is able to take care of them. Even in seemly mundane tasks as choosing a country, agency, or setting parameters of a child they want to adopt, prospective adoptive parents must recognize the power of their decisions in shaping a child's future and a country's adoptive process, and make decisions as good parents and responsible global citizens.

4. Adoption is not a solution to help a developed country.  It occurs on too small a scale to make a dent in the needs of children in the developing world and, even if it were, it would not typically be in the best long-term interest of a country to allow adoption of an entire generation(s) of children! Adoption can have a profound and lasting impact in the life of an individual child and we fully support adoption (obviously:-), but we as adoptive families should also actively seek profound and lasting positive impact in our child's birth country and in developing countries around the world.


Throughout all these discussions of adoption, birth families, adoptive families, birth countries, adoptive countries...here is the deep an abiding truth.  Children do not "belong" to anyone.  They are unique, individual beings, created by God, loved by God, and eternally parented by God.  Birth parents, adoptive parents, birth countries, adoptive countries...they are all very important and have a special role in loving, caring for, and helping to shape a child, but they are not of the ultimate importance. They are bright and vibrant and important threads in a child's tapestry of life, but they are not the tapestry itself...

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

from Kahlil Gibran – a Lebanese poet