"Mercy Mercy" Ethiopian Adoption Documentary Discussion

Please watch this!

and an interview with the documentary filmmaker

This documentary needs to be seen, wrestled with, and seriously taken to heart.

It is heartbreakingly unbelieveable as it follows the journey of two small children Masho and Robba from Ethiopia to their new life in Denmark, their family in Ethiopia, and their Danish family in the years following their international adoption.

If you have a child who joined your family through adoption I think that you must see this, and if you don't have a family who joined your family through adoption...I still think that you need to see this. It is hard to watch, but it is important. Parenting is hard, therapeutic parenting is even harder, therapeutically parenting a child who has gone through the trauma of adoption is harder still.

This is not my son's story, this is not our story, but this is a true story...and an important story...and one that should be shouted from the rooftops as parents consider adoption.

Adoption is beautiful, hard, ugly, painful, joyful, and amazing...but the hard and the ugly are real.

In the adoption process, there are dramatic inequities, heartwrenching loss, devastating miscommunications, willful denials, political and financial power struggles.  The process is complicated and opaque and very, very vulnerable to exploitation.

And in the middle of this complicated, vulnerable process are powerless children and poverty-stricken families struggling with devastating, life-altering circumstances and decisions.  There are adoptive families with expectations for reciprocal love, the joy of parenthood, and visions of what their new family will look like, be like. And there are scared, TERRIFIED, traumatized children.

Reality can be a harsh wake-up call.

Think about this if it was your child...the sweet 4 year old one snuggled up against you...think about it through her eyes.

What if you told your 4 year old child one day that you were going to the store but never came back.

And then she was "kidnapped" by a black (or any other race different than hers) couple she had never met...in fact, she'd never even seen a black person before.

And she was taken on an airplane to another country with a different language, customs, food, smells, people...everything.

Would you expect her to love this black kidnapper family right away? What about four years later?

Here's the thing.

In our world, if 4 years later your child was still resisting loving her kidnappers we would call her "strong" "spirited" "feisty" "a survivor".  If she was adapting to life with them, even if not affectionately, we would call her "resilient" "strong" "able to overcome"...

So at worst, based on the film, Masho was strong, resilient, and able to overcome.  But, based on the film (and I will acknowledge that there could be more that was not shown, but it really doesn't seem like it) Masho does not seem to have a severe attachment disorder.  Also, she clearly had a strong and loving attachment with her Ethiopian family for her first 4 years which research would suggest means that she has a stronger likelyhood to form a strong and healthy attachment again.

She was failed by her adoptive family and by the "psychologist".  They seem to have been uninformed, unprepared, in denial, and utterly at a loss as to how to parent a child who has been through unimaginable circumstances.

My heart breaks for this little girl whose childhood has been annihilated.

My heart breaks for her family in Ethiopia who relinquished her out of love when they thought they were dying and now, although they are alive, did not received any of the legally required post-placement reports and were treated with complete disregard by agency and government officials.

My heart breaks for Robba who has surely been impacted by the cruel and perplexing treatment of his sister.

My heartbreaks for the Danish family who clearly were woefully unprepared to become parents through adoption.

Here is my question:
Now that you have seen what adoption can look like (it was so telling how cavalier the government officials and agency staff were towards the adoptive family, and how as the years progressed agency staff got more and more uncomfortable with the cameras) what are you going to do?

I believe that there are children for whom international adoption is the best option, but I also believe that it is not the best option for many children who are placed for adoption...and that international adoption requires exponentially more resources than other care options like family preservation, in country adoption, fostercare, etc.

One of the popular adoption verses that floats around "adoption circles" is "Once our eyes are opened we can not pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act" Proverbs 24:12

Now our eyes are opened...what are we going to do?

I think that before we will know what to do, we need to wrestle with these ugly, uncomfortable truths.

There are some great discussions popping up online about this.  Although I am sure it will highlight my very special but tiny ("hi mom!") readership I am putting up my first ever link up.  Please continue the conversation on your blog (and/or in the comments) and link it here.

Bonding and Attachment

I started this post in November and, well, life got in the way,  so now I am writing a post about the most feared, loved, and intensely scrutinized aspect of adoption...bonding and attachment.

Becoming a parent involves committing to meet your child's material needs, and also committing to love this child unconditionally.  It can be hard to love a child that the day before was basically unknown to you, and it is 1000 times harder when said child doesn't want to love you.  From the child's perspective you are a total stranger who has taken them from everything they have ever known.  Why should they love you?  You need to bond with this child and they need to bond with you, and most of the natural mechanisms for bonding that intuitively and necessarily occur with a newborn (feeding and changing multiple times a day, 24/7 care and attention, near constant holding and snuggling, eye contact, etc. not to mention to time in utero where mommy and baby have a special chemical and biological bond).  How do you recapture some of those things with an adopted child, especially a toddler who is developmentally testing limits and gaining independence?

Before I delve into attachment, I want to be very, VERY clear that B is an amazing child, he is resilient, he is loving, he is funny, he loves to cuddle, and we are beyond blessed that he is our son and we are a family.  Also, we are still struggling with exactly how much of B's history and personal experience we are willing to share (we want him to have the freedom to share the deepest parts of his story with people in the future if and when he wants) so I am not giving specifics of that here.

When we met B he was 2 years and 8 months old, he had had at least 4 different living situations and in his short life he had become intimately acquainted with illness, death, and loss.  His little body was covered with scars, he had limited language skills as he spoke his own hybrid version of Sidamingo and Amharic--neither fluently, and he was described as quiet, but loving music, books, and toys, but most especially quiet.

B was very withdrawn when we met him, although he would interact with us and the toys we brought (especially the bubbles and Ababa's watch), we was mostly quiet, wary, and passive.  We were all surprised that we got to have custody of B following court (our second day in Ethiopia) so I was beyond grateful that we had done a lot of reading and preparation before we left and in the weeks to come I was also grateful that I had brought the two favorite books with us (The Connected Child by Karen Purvis and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen).  They helped Ababa immensely as he finally buckled down and read them, were great refreshers for me when I felt clueless about what to try next, and B liked them too:-)

When B came home with us, he was very passive and overall just seemed shellshocked.  He'd put his head down and float his arms up if anyone made a move to pick him up.  He would have quietly gone with anyone.  He seemed scared and just kind of resigned and had some subtle but pervasive coping behaviors.  After a day or two he started to alternate between being in a passive shellshocked fog and long hour+ bouts of crying (usually either because he was angry he was told he couldn't do something or because he just seemed scared/sad/grieving).  It was hard and heartbreaking to see him so upset.

We started from the time we met him to try and implement some of the bonding strategies that we had read about and learned from other adoptive families.

*Full disclaimer, this is what we did.  Some things worked, some other things we tried didn't.  Every child, parent, and family is different and there is no one set of strategies/activities that work for everyone.  If you are an adoptive parent, do what works for you.  Learn as much as you can, gain exposure to as many different strategies and philosophies as you can, and then see what works for you and your family, but please do recognize that whether your child is 6 months or 6 years or 16 years, they will likely have some challenges due to their complex background and you will likely have some challenges from your own preconceived notions.  Bonding and Attachment is a two-way street, it's a family thing.  This is what we tried.  Do what works for you.  No judgements here!:-)*

For friends and family, now that I am sharing a little more about what we do and why, please don't try to use these techniques with B:-)  These are special things that we do to teach us all the mommy, daddy, and B relationship.  He loves extended family and friends and there is a lot of adoption research that points to involved grandparents and extended family as major influences in whether an adopted child really feels secure in his family, but first the mommy and daddy and B bonds need to be securely in place.  We are working on it, but we're not there yet.

By day 3 Ababa was freaking out, I was tired, and B was scared/tired/sad/angry/confused/and probably a million other emotions I can't even fathom.

• We used the Boba carrier extensively.  B loved it (and still loves it even thought we don't use it much anymore except for emergencies).  He clearly felt safe in the Boba.  He'd stop a full-on meltdown in 5 seconds flat when the Boba came out.  It was great for me b/c B was close and we could snuggle, etc. while he was in it and it was great for us as a family b/c it made sure that no one would come up and try to grab him, take him with them, or actively engage with him (all of which happened often in the very friendly Ethiopian society). For the first two months B was in the Boba 99.9% of the time when we left our guest house.  If he wasn't in the Boba, we were pretty much guaranteed a "situation" either in public or as soon as we returned to our room.

• I had brought bottles and formula for B.  He drank half a bottle the first day and then refused it for the next week (he had pretty much no suck reflex, none, so we focused on trying to develop that through straws). No big deal we thought, he doesn't like bottles.  Two weeks later we donated all the formula b/c he still wasn't interested, but kept the bottles for the airplane ride home in case they could help his ears, and wouldn't you know it...the next morning he woke up asking for a bottle:-)  Since then, he's had a bottle every morning.  It's a great time for cuddling, eye contact, and reciting our family mantras.  He loves it, I love it, and we're going to keep doing it until he doesn't want to anymore (or maybe when he turns four...whichever comes first). He pops out of bed in the morning chattering about "mommy, bottle time, mommy makes a bottle for B, bottle time, bottle time (giggle, giggle, giggle)".

• We have tried to distill a lot of what we want B to know about our roles in the family and say them multiple times each morning (and throughout the day):

         -Mommy, Daddy, and B, that is a family
         -We're a family, and families stick together
         -Mommy and Daddy's job is to love B, to take care of B, to keep B safe, and to teach B about God.  B's job is to love Mommy and Daddy, to listen to and obey Mommy and Daddy, and to learn about God. We're a family and families stick together (it's on here twice, we say it a lot!:-)
         -Mommy and Daddy always come home
         -Mommy and Daddy will always come to pick you up

•  We talk about the day's schedule everyday--especially who is going to feed B, put him down for his nap, and put him to bed and reiterate that Mommy and Daddy always come home and when we'll be back (and for the first 7 months at least one of us was always with him).

• We co-sleep...for the first 3.5 months B and I (mama) co-slept for every nap and every night.  B actually fell asleep on my chest for most of the first couple months.  Since October we've just been co-sleeping at night and B sleeps in his own bed for naps.  Co-sleeping has been great for us all.  Just snuggling together, hearing him breathe, feeling his heartbeat, smelling his sweet baby smell, those things all help me.  He clearly loves it too (although he's a total bed-hog:-) and snuggles up all night long.  We are gearing up to start transitioning B into his own bed and I'm not sure either of us are ready yet...we'll see how it goes...it may get delayed a little:-)

• We try to be very intentional with playing with B, interacting with him, promoting eye contact, and encouraging eye contact and appropriate family responses (hugs and kisses when we come home, eye contact when asking for things, as many different kinds of snuggles that we can think of...)

• Mirroring-B actually mirrored Ababa one day a few weeks in and it was Ababa's big breakthrough in bonding--he was like Karen Purvis is actually right:-) So, we try to encourage mirroring and want to focus more on that in the coming months.

• Skin to skin contact-newborns and infants get a lot of this, toddlers and older kids not so much.  So we try to take every opportunity we can.  B also gets a massage with babycakes or organic coconut oil every day or two after his bath.  We both love this time and it visibly helps him relax and let down his guard.

• We feed B by hand.  in the beginning, we fed him everything--meals, snacks, etc.  Now it's about 75% us and 25% him.  He responds well to it and it really helps with eye contact and interaction.  We also have feed us sometimes (with real food or with his tea set).  He loves this and it really helps all of us feel more connected.

• I was with B 100% for the first 3+ months, Ababa was then home with him exclusively for the next 4 months, and for the past month B has been going to "school" 3 days a week and is home with Ababa the other two.

In a perfect world, I would have loved to be home with B 100% for at least the first year.  That's not possible for us, so there's really no use spending too much time thinking about that.  I am grateful for the 3 months I had and am thrilled for the special time that Ababa and B have had.

Despite all the strategies we are trying (which again, help us as well as B--bonding and attachment are truly a whole family activity!) we still have some rough days.  B is a far more confident, secure, calm, cheerful, animated, child than he was when we met him in July.  He talks constantly, usually loves to snuggle, enjoys being with us, is gradually becoming more attached to us instead of being willing to go with anyone (but this is still an issue to some degree) and he will try to physically and emotionally push us away with regularity, but overall it is getting better.  

Ababa and I definitely feel more bonded to B.  When we first met him, we were fully committed to being his parents and were beyond thrilled that he was our son, but I would also see kids on the street and sometimes think "they could just as easily be my child"  "what makes them different from my son"  "why am I his mother and not theirs"?  I think in some very real ways I had indiscriminate mommy affection!

B is our son, 100%.  We could not love him more or be more committed to him if he had been born of our flesh and blood.  He is our son in a way that children on the street are not.  that distinction is very clear in my mind and heart.  He is my son, physically, emotionally, and spiritually!  We are now trying to find ways to handle how to explain his unique story and Ethiopian heritage, respecting those integral aspects of his history and identity, while still helping him to feel 100% part of our family, our heritage, and our son. 

We definitely make mistakes, taking two steps forward, but one step back, and not always being the parents that we want to be, but we are trying, and in his own 3 year old way, B is trying.  We've had some big hurdles recently with the start of "school" and one of us not being with him all the time, but by God's grace we are being knit together as a family.  It is a hard, painful, beautiful, challenging, inconsistent, unknown, uncharted journey, but it's our journey and we are a family, mommy, daddy, and B.  

Important Update from USCIS re visa processing

I'm posting this for all my friends (and friends I haven't met yet:-) who are still in process in case they haven't seen it yet...

Dear Stakeholder-

A USCIS team of four officers arrived in Ethiopia and began working
at Embassy Addis Ababa on November 7, 2011. As of the date of this
notice, the team has received 63 "not clearly approvable"
cases from Embassy Addis, and expects to receive at least 1 more case
before they depart on Friday, November 18, 2011. The following provides
a summary of the results of the team's review of the cases as of
November 15, 2011:

Approvals Issued: 36

Requests for Evidence Issued: 9

Notices of Intent to Deny Issued: 1

Under USCIS Team Review 9

Pending Birth Relative Interview 8

Pending Physical Transfer 1

During the team's first days in Addis, they began reviewing the
cases, and established procedures necessary for completing
adjudication and issuing notices. Embassy Addis is providing the
resources necessary for USCIS to be able to adjudicate the not clearly
approvable cases. Although the team has encountered some technological
challenges, the team has been issuing decisions and notices as soon as
they are able.

All cases that the team is able to approve before they depart from
Addis Ababa will stay with the Consular Section in Embassy Addis Ababa,
for immediate scheduling of immigrant visa processing. Families that
receive an approval notice will be contacted directly by the U.S.
Embassy within three business days. We strongly recommend that
families wait to be contacted regarding an immigrant visa interview
before making travel arrangements. Cases that require a Request for
Evidence or a Notice of Intent to Deny will be sent to the USCIS Rome
District Office for further processing.

Each family that received a Request for Evidence or a Notice of Intent
to Deny should carefully read the instructions regarding where to send
additional evidence to avoid delays in processing that could be caused
by sending the evidence to the incorrect USCIS Office. USCIS has
decided to utilize additional resources at the Rome District Office in
the ongoing processing of some of the affected cases in an effort to
ensure that they are processed to completion as quickly as possible.

In the coming weeks, USCIS and DOS will schedule another stakeholder
call to provide a briefing on the team's work in Addis Ababa, and
an update on how processing will proceed going forward for any new
cases identified by Embassy Addis Ababa as not clearly approvable.

Kind Regards,

Office of Public Engagement

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services

www.uscis.gov <http://www.uscis.gov/>



November 16, 2011
Notice: Procedure for Processing Adoption Cases
This notice provides supplemental information to the adoption notice
of October 7, 2011, adding additional details on the process
applicable to orphan petitions filed with a U.S. Embassy Consular
Section overseas. While the description has been tailored to answer
inquiries specific to Ethiopia, the steps described in this
explanation apply to all non-Hague countries. This notice only
describes the process for Forms I-600 filed with U.S. Embassy Addis
Ababa. For processing information on cases filed domestically with
USCIS through the National Benefits Center (NBC), please refer to the
USCIS website at www.uscis.gov.

Once adoptive parents are in possession of the final adoption decree
from the Federal First Instance Court, approval letters from the
Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs, the child's birth
certificate and Ethiopian passport, and all other required Form I-600
supporting documentation, they (or their authorized agent) may file
Form I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative, with
the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa if they have met the physical
presence requirements for filing a Form I-600 petition overseas.

Upon receipt of the Form I-600 and accompanying documentation, the U.S.
Embassy begins the Form I-604, Determination on Child for Adoption,
orphan status investigation – the process to determine if the child
meets the definition of an orphan under U.S. immigration law. The time
frame for completion of the Form I-604 determination depends on the
circumstances of each case, but can take up to several weeks or
months. During this time, additional information or documentation may
be requested by the U.S. Embassy for cases with insufficient or
deficient supporting evidence to determine orphan status.

In certain cases it may be necessary to interview the child's
Ethiopian birth parent(s) or guardian, or the individual who found an
abandoned child, to resolve errors or discrepancies discovered in the
case file. The U.S. Embassy conducts such interviews for cases in
which the consular officer deems interview(s) necessary to make a
determination on the child's orphan status. Birth relative and
other interviews are often an integral part of the Form I-604
determination.

The U.S. Embassy must then determine whether the case is clearly
approvable. If a case is clearly approvable, the U.S. Embassy approves
the Form I-600 petition and issues an immigrant visa. If there are
questions regarding the child's orphan status or the information is
insufficient to make a determination, federal regulation requires that
the U.S. Embassy forwards the case as "not clearly approvable"
to the USCIS Field Office in Nairobi, Kenya, for further processing.
When this occurs, the U.S. Embassy sends out a transfer notice to the
petitioners when the case is physically forwarded to USCIS Nairobi, and
provides contact information for further questions.

Upon receipt of a petition identified as "not clearly
approvable," the USCIS Nairobi Field Office notifies the
parent(s) that the case has been received and issues requests for
additional evidence and other notices, if necessary. Upon review of
all available evidence including any response to a Request for
Evidence or Notice of Intent to Deny, USCIS issues a decision and
notify the petitioners. For details of the USCIS process, please
visit USCIS' Ethiopia Q&A page
<http://www.uscis. gov/portal/ site/uscis/ menuitem. 5af9bb95919f35e6 6f61417\
6543f6d1a/?vgnextoi d=7c82d1f2465ae2 10VgnVCM10000008 2ca60aRCRD& vgnextchan\
nel=ecab18a1f8b7321 0VgnVCM100000082 ca60aRCRD> .

If the case is approved, USCIS Nairobi returns the case to the U.S. Embassy for visa
processing. http://adoption. state.gov/ country_informat ion/country_ specific_ alerts_no\
tices.php?alert_ notice_type= notices&alert_ notice_file= ethiopia_ 13
<http://adoption. state.gov/ country_informat ion/country_ specific_ alerts_n\
otices.php?alert_ notice_type= notices&alert_ notice_file= ethiopia_ 13>

WE ARE HOME!

I am beyond happy to type this post title:-)

We were in Ethiopia for three very long months.  The last month was just me and B as Ababa had to come home to start class (though he got stuck in Germany for 3 days due to Hurricane Irene).

I go back to work next week :-( but in the meantime I'll try to post a series of posts on our travel experience (I may or may not have drafted these during some of the most boring weeks in ET and they may or may not be approaching 30 pages of info at this point so there may be multiple posts per day for a while). Hopefully they'll be helpful for other families who are traveling and for our friends and family if they want to learn more about our experience there and practical things like what we packed and where we ate.

We learned an incredible amount about Ethiopia, its culture and peoples, but we also learned ALOT about adoption, agencies, and governments during our time in ET. We'll try to share this on the blog too.

Most importantly, we officially and legally in Ethiopia and the U.S., became parents to an incredible little boy!  (We'll post some about the bonding process too this week).

We're still getting over jetlag, but for now I'll leave you with this picture of the most adorable little boy on earth:-)

Only Three Weeks...

Three weeks from today, we meet B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In 16 days I leave for Russia, on June 29 Ababa and I will meet-up in the Frankfurt airport (he'll be coming from NYC) to fly into Ethiopia together and then on June 30 we meet B and July 1 we appear in court.

Please pray that this all goes smoothly.

Three things have to happen before B will legally be our son:

1. His current guardian has to legally relinquish their rights (please pray for peace and safety for them as it is a long journey and a heartwrenching decision!)

2. MOWA needs to write their letter approving our adoption.

3. Ababa and I have to both appear in court in Ethiopia

Then it takes several days for the adoption decree to be written...and then, B will legally be our son and can come live with us in Addis until he is cleared by US Immigration to come to the US and we all will come home together.

Things easily can take longer at each step of the way, and there are many possible complications.

But, as Ababa says, "if God say the same" in about three weeks we meet our son and become a family.

Court Date:-)

Well, I can't contain the excitement anymore:-)

WE GOT A COURT DATE FOR SWEET B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still working out the details as it is smack dab in the middle of my business trip, so we'll see how it all works out! But, eitherway...WE ARE MEETING B IN JULY AND THEN LIVING IN ETHIOPIA UNTIL HE IS CLEARED BY THE US EMBASSY TO COME TO THE US (probably 6-8+weeks).

Our hearts are so full!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Addis Projects

Well, this weekend is Memorial Day and that was my goal to stay peaceful and not start obsessing about getting a court date.  I am still doing pretty well, but I think it's taking most of my concentration to concentrate on work and school.  When I sit down to type my brain just keeps going, "when is our court date...will we pass this summer...will it be in July...will it be after I am back from Russia...will it work with Ababa's class schedule in the fall...will we pass the first time...how long will it be between court and embassy...." So, this weekend I'm going to post some awesome videos of ET and cool projects in my neighborhood and of course, the story of Vilele....

But, for today...

Korah video

The City of Addis Documentary

A Walk to Beautiful short

Rays of Sunshine

Two very cool things for today.

An Ethiopian friend gave us the meanings of B's Ethiopian names.  When you put his American name along with those names, his whole name has the coolest meaning!

God heard

with his luck

my prayers were answered

How amazing is that?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?  Even before we knew this, we loved his full name, all his names, and hope they represent something of the different facets of him--where he's come from and who he will become.  We thoughtfully chose his American name (which is also an Ethiopian name) with much prayer (and Ababa and I each had dreams that was his name!) but we are amazed at how his whole name also represents our journey to him and God's incredible faithfulness.

No matter what the future holds, and whatever bumps we may encounter in becoming a family, B is truly an answer to our prayers!  We know that God hears our prayers and believe that God is placing B in our family, but we also grieve for the loss B and his birth family have experienced.  We don't understand how the beauty of B joining our family can come from the ashes of loss and pain surrounding the circumstances that are leading to him joining our family but we are grateful that it does and that God is working a miracle in bringing our family together.

For today, I wanted to show this video.  It blew me away and made me smile:-).  I am going to post more of the story of Vilele and his brothers later this week, but for now...here's Vilele.

Court Update

We got a quick update from our agency today that families who were submitted to court a few weeks before us just received court dates for mid-June.  AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm trying to remain level-headed about this, but this is really, really, really exciting!!!

Please keep praying that we get a court date (and pass court) before the closure.

Sweet B, we may get to meet you in just a couple of weeks!

On a other note, I met my adorable niece V this weekend and am in love:-)  B-you're going to have an awesome cousin to play with!

Mother's Day

Since blogger had some major issues yesterday, I'm posting my Mother's Day post today:-) 

Hopefully next year I will be a mother on Mother's Day (as Ababa would say, "If God say the same"). 

I have been blessed to know a lot of great mothers: my mother, Ababa's mother, my grandmothers, my friends who are mothers...strong, intelligent, loving women whose hearts are full of love for their children.  I want to be like them:-)

We will never get to meet B's birth mother.  Hopefully we will learn more about her life and death when we travel to Ethiopia; however, even though she has passed on we want to keep her memory alive for B and acknowledge the incredible role she played in his life.  He is, and will always be, part of her and she is, and always will be, part of him.

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

Submitted to Court!

Well, after my mopey Monday (and a horrible night in the ER on Tuesday due to a severe ankle sprain/torn ligament that I got at w@rk:-( ) we got this super exciting message from our agency yesterday:

Your case was submitted to the Federal First Instance Court in Ethiopia today.

YAY and PRAISE GOD!!!!

So, now we keep waiting:-)

It will probably be 4-6 weeks until we are assigned a court date and then the actual court date will be 4-6 (or more) but there's a chance we could be meeting B in 8-12 weeks!!!!!!

We also got our weekly update on B.  I haven't been posting his stats here, but in case you were wondering, he's exactly 2 1/2 and he is now:

weight-28.6 lbs
height-35.1 inches
head circumference-19.4 inches

Fasika-Ethiopian Easter

This year is pretty special because if my stellar online research is correct:-) Ethiopian Easter (Fasika) and our Easter fall on the same day! 

Happy Fasika B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(photos are stone churches at Lalibela-we hope to visit there when we travel to Ethiopia)

We hope that B is learning about Fasika and is somehow is already learning about the incredible gift of salvation that came through the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Photo is Easter vigil in Ethiopia

According to Wikipedia:

Fasika (Ge'ez: ፋሲካ, sometimes transliterated Fasica) is the Amharic word for Easter. This article discusses the observance and importance of this festival inEthiopia.

In Ethiopia, the main and longstanding religion has been the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church since the times of Frumentius. Ethiopian Easter, or Fasika, takes place in Orthodox Churches throughout the country, and follows the eastern method of calculating Easter (see Computus for details), thus tending to fall afterEaster in the Western calendar (some years both fall on the same date). Fasika is a much more important festival than Christmas, since the Death and Resurrection of Jesus is more significant in Orthodox theology than his birth. Jesus' crucifixion which led to his death on a Friday, according to Orthodox thought was for the purpose of fulfilling the word of God, and led to the conquest of death and Jesus' resurrection from the tomb after three days, the third day being the Sunday when Ethiopian Easter is celebrated.

Fasika is a climactic celebration. Fasting becomes more intense over the 56-day period of Lent, when no meat or animal products of any kind, including milk and butter, are eaten. Good Friday starts off by church going, and is a day of preparation for the breaking of this long fasting period.

The faithful prostrate themselves in church, bowing down and rising up until they get tired. The main religious service takes place with the Paschal Vigil on Saturday night. It is a somber, sacred occasion with music and dancing until the early hours of the morning. At 3:00 a.m. everyone returns home to break their fast, and a chicken is slaughtered at midnight for the symbolic occasion. In the morning, after a rest, a sheep is slaughtered to commence the feasting on Easter Sunday.

In Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity or the 'Tewahido faith', it is believed the near-sacrifice of Abraham's loved son Isaac (Genesis 22), which was a test of faith from God to Abraham, was interrupted by a voice of an angel from the heavens, and the sending of a Lamb for the sacrifice instead. This Old Testament story is said to be a prophetic foreshadowing of God sending his only beloved son for the world as a sacrifice and the fulfilling of Abraham's promise.

Easter in Ethiopia is a day when people celebrate; there is a release of enjoyment after the long build-up of suffering which has taken place, to represent Christ’s fasting for forty days and forty nights. People often have food and locally-brewed alcohol from fresh honey (tej, tella and katikalla).

This website has some more great info and pictures explaining how Ethiopian celebrate Fasika (I think next year we'll try to make Fasika Dabo and hopefully we'll be wearing Yabesha Libs with B at home!): Fasika blog entry

Breathing through the Jumble

First things first, our gorgeous niece (and B's soon to be cousin) "V" was born this week!!! YAY! It sounds like a very a rough delivery but everyone is healing now and headed home soon.  We can't wait to meet her and hope that we get to soon!!!

As for us...

Life right now feels like a huge jumble.

Ababa is keeping things under control at home (cleaning, cooking, taking care of woosha), finishing some lingering projects around the house (YAY!), and doing everything he can to start the classes he needs this summer and in the fall so that he can apply for med school as soon as possible.

I am juggling a demanding work schedule, an elite MBA program, adoption-related stuff, research for childcare options when B comes home, a job-hunt to try and find a more family friendly work-place with a more flexible work schedule, and trying to figure out the details about maternity leave that I am entitled to at my job.

Just speaking for myself (Ababa can post another day:-) I am tired!  I feel like my life is always spinning and I am flitting from one thing to another with TV and internet time filling-in the chinks so that I literally have no time for anything, including my husband, myself, and God.

Ababa and I got stuck in a horribly blustery rainy NYC day yesterday.  We went down town to take some pics of a property I am researching for a class project.  We intended to get Ethiopian for dinner to celebrate our dossier being in Ethiopia, but the idea of going cross-town from where we were for my project was unfathomable so we ate chinese instead.  It was a wonderful to spend some together just the two of us and the food was yummy.  We were cold and wet from trudging through the rain so I drank tons of tea.  I realized too late that it probably had caffine.

Um, yeah! Caffine and me, we do not get along.

I didn't fall asleep until about 3:30 this morning.  Needless to say, I slept-in and stayed home from church.  Ababa ended up being asked to give our testimony about adoption today, even though I wasn't there and he didn't have his notes/outline. So, MAJOR PROPS TO ABABA.  He just spoke from the heart about his experience and how God has worked in him, to bring him from having never really thought about adoption to being SO EXCITED about adopting B. (I'd love to hear from people who were at church what else he said, b/c he can't remember:-)

Meanwhile, I took advantage of my time at home today to read Francis Chan's Crazy Love (which we had been reading in small group, but I fell off the wagon after chapter 1)...and then I took a long walk where I could just enjoy being outside and talking to God.

It was amazing, but reminded me of how insanely busy I've been, crowding God out of my life with all the hectic chaos.  I am still processing a whole bunch of thoughts from today (it felt like the first time in months that I could just think) but the bottom line is:

I need to take time to breathe through the jumble and God needs to be at the center of the busy-ness.  If He is not at the center it's just empty busy-ness, but if he is at the center, well that would be pretty amazing for my life and my heart, and for the impact my life could have.

What does that look like?

I have no idea!

How am I going to make that happen?

I have no idea!

What's the first step?

Spending more time with God and not crowding every second of my life.

Let's see how this goes:-)

Dossier ready but whew, what a day!

I'll post more tomorrow, for now, here was our day:

Ababa drove me to work so we could get our I-171H and final dossier docs notarized, the car stalled in the middle of West End Avenue. We missed our notary appointment, had to push the car out of the middle of the road, and had to have it towed back uptown....in the rain...

I walked the rest of the way to work, Ababa joined me after "Tool" (our car) was hooked up to the tow truck.

We spent 2 hours getting the final papers notarized and making copies and double checking that everything was in order.

Ababa went down to the county clerk office and the new york state department office to get our affadavit and power of attorney certified.  He spent 3 hours waiting in line and then learned that he needed to be in another line first and they were closing at 3:30 today!  He sweet talked his way through the other line, "please, my wife and I are adopting and this is the last paper we need and it has to be certified today..." and all these jaded New Yorkers tapped into their inner kindness and LET HIM CUT THE LINE!  He made it back to the other line and got certified with just minutes to spare.

On his way home Ababa was on-track to drop our dossier in Express Mail with the requisite money orders (and to check on the car at the mechanic) BUT...he was stuck underground on the subway for MORE THAN 2 HOURS!  Because...there was "an unauthorized body on the tracks" (yep, someone died!) and they shut the power down to the whole subway line!

So, he missed the express mail pick-up and the mechanic.  We'll try again tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, I was at work trying to do 8 hours worth of work in 4 so that I could leave on-time to take a midterm at school, and now I am supposed to be writing a final paper for another class that is due tomorrow.  Oh, and the State Department released another statement today saying that even though people seem to be moving through court quickly right now MOWA is still holding firm to the 5 cases per day once this backlog is cleared.  So, who knows when we will pass court for B!

We are taking things one day at a time and moving forward in faith that God will bring this sweet little boy into our family in His time...we just wish we knew what that time was...:-)

So, back to the paper for school, but suffice it to say, today was one h*ll of a day, especially for Ababa!

It's here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Were you blinded today?  By a flash of light?  A ray of sun...nope...that's the gleam from my ear-to-ear grin...I can't stop smiling...OUR I-171H ARRIVED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  God is so good!

I have a midterm tomorrow and a paper due Wednesday so I'm trying to work on those things, but Ababa and I are combing over our dossier one last time, have an appointment first thing tomorrow with the notary, and then Ababa will get the last few documents certified by NY, pop the whole thing in FedEx to DC to get certified there, and hopefully our dossier will be in Ethiopia next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please pray that this all goes smoothly, that B's lifebook and paperwork are all ready to go, and that we can be submitted to court as soon as our paperwork arrives in Addis.

Ray of sunshine!

Ah, the rollercoaster of international adoption! 

We would like a big family with several (many!) children, and have no intention of being a "one and done" family, but the pain of this "labor" will have to fade a lot before we would consider another international adoption! Maybe, like childbirth, this gets easier with successive children...?

Anway, here's today's hopfully good news:

I just got off the phone with someone helpful from USCIS who said we are being assigned a caseworker today (we were apparently in the next batch of cases to be assigned).  Please pray with us that the processing will go quickly and we will receive this I-171H in the mail early next week!

Last year the courts closed from August 6-September 28 for the rainy season. When they re-open there is a backlog of cases so it can sometimes take longer to get a court date then.

So, with a new normal of 6-12 week wait (or longer) to hear a court date and a 5-12 week wait (or longer) from learning our court date to when it actually happens, and then often another week or two until the MOWA letter is ready and we officially pass court...if we get our I-171H next week and get our completed dossier authenticated and sent to Ethiopia in the first two weeks of April, there is still a decent chance that we can pass court before the closing (Embassy appointments continue during the rainy season...). After April 15 I think our chances will start to rapidly decline.

Of course, with all this work on our end, being ready to pass court assumes on B's end that the agency staff in ET have assembled all his paperwork in accordance with the new and ever changing guidelines, that his lifebook is ready (a documented thorough investigation of his history and how he came to be at the orphanage that our agency is now issuing to help provide clear documentation to the Embassy and ensure as best they can that everything about how B came to the orphanage was ethical and that adoption is the option his remaining relatives want for him and really the only viable option for him), and that there are no big glitches in the system. We keep checking-in with our agency re the status of B's paperwork, birth certificates, death certificates, interviews, government paperwork, lifebook, etc. and just keep hearing that they know it is in process but they don't know how close to being done it is...

B's birthday is at the end of October.  He already had his second birthday in an ophanage, we are really hoping that his third birthday will be with his mama and ababa in NYC!

Attachment, parenting, and jumping into life with a toddler 101...

Claudia over at My Fascinating Life started a really interesting blog symposia on attachment.

Since attachment is a huge topic in the adoption world, and since it is something that can be an obvious challenge for older adopted kids, I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon.  I totally reserve the right to change my mind on all parenting matters:-)

Attachment of a family is a nebulous and tricky thing.  How do you really know if a child is attached to the parents and parents to a child?  What makes a child, especially one that is not related by genes, your child as opposed to a child you love very much but are perennially babysitting? What makes a child decide they are part of you, of your family, of your heart, and not walk up to strangers in the grocery store and ask them to be their new mama?  How do you know deep down what you feel, what your child feels?  How does a scared, grieving toddler whose entire life has been turned upside down and moved across the world build these delicate gossamer threads of attachment?  How do Mamas and Ababas make parenting choices that foster strong and positive attachment in themselves and their child?

Hmmmmmmmm....?

These are the questions we are currently grappling with, researching, interviewing, reading, hypothesizing, and trying to articulate.  Also, how do you do these things in a genuine, responsible, and loving way that doesn't feel like you are trying to brainwash your child...(Also, is it a bad thing, and is it even possible, to positively brainwash a child? I'm not going to touch that one for now:-)


After about $200 in purchases from Amazon.com, hours of reading, and months of soul searching, we still don't have the answers, but we have assembled a basic toolkit of techniques that will hopefully help Mama, Ababa, and B (and even Woosha) all begin to attach to each other as a family.

Since we have several months (please, Dear God let our I-171H be here tomorrow, our paperwork be processed quickly, and us pass court before the rainy season!) before B comes home we'll explore these an many others in greater detail in the coming weeks/months.

But, here's the quick and dirty, Cliff Notes version.  (Disclaimer: We are not really quite this level of earthy-crunchy granola people--well, I might like to be, but DH is firmly not in that camp:-)

The best tip we've gleaned so far, is that B will probably be functioning at several different "ages", namely his actual age (which hopefully is close to the age reported on his paperwork, but may not be), his developmental age (which is probably several months or even a year behind), and his family age (which won't start until we assume custody of him).  So, when we become B's parents it is likely that we will have an almost 3 year old, who is developmentally a 2 year old, and whose family age is a brand spanking newborn!

Removing prenatal experiences (which have been proven to strongly impact children and parent's attachment), hormones, and the somewhat egotistical, but also very real, attachment prompted by parent's recognizing their own genetic traits in their child, newborns demand and require constant activities that facilitate attachment.  Skin to skin contact, cradled holding (especially with their head near the parents' heart), 24/7 care by parents for at least the first few months, frequent feedings with prolonged eye contact, and interaction throughout the day and night that prompts eye and skin contact at regular intervals.  For at least the first 6-12 weeks of a newborn's life, a parent's job is just loving and caring for this tiny, demanding, needy, helpless, creature.

Hmmm....

B will not be a passive, needy, little baby.  He'll be an active, hurt, confused, grieving, jetlagged toddler who probably doesn't know how to play with toys and will have lost any language communication advantage he had in his native language and culture.  How do we spend hours practicing skin to skin contact, eye contact, interaction, and constant holding with this child?!?!?!?!? Have you met a 2 year old? or a 3 year old? or an almost 3 year old who is developmentally closer to a just turned 2 year old?  They are obstinate, active, and constantly on the move!  How do we help B understand that we are his family forever, his Mama, his Ababa, his family!?!?!?!?

YIKES!

The short answer is, we have no idea.  The slightly longer answer is our strategy is to recognize that anything we try will need to be customized to B's unique needs, personality, and situation.  So, we'll have to constantly refine our strategy on the fly.  The longer answer (our Cliff Notes tips) is below:

1. We are going to co-sleep for the first 3-6 months home (much like we would with a newborn)--either in our bed on my side, or in a packnplay right next to our bed--of course we will follow all guidelines on safe co-sleeping.

2. We are going to babywear and carry B for as long as is possible.  (Yes, I will be that granola mom toting a 5 year old around in a carrier if he'll let me!)  To that end, we have acquired several awesome carriers--a Sleepy Wrap, Boba toddler carrier (which I think will be our #1 go-to carrier), and a Catbird Mei Tai.  If we can score one for cheap on ebay we are also interested in a Scootababy hip carrier...

3. We are going to give B a bottle (or bottle-like sippy cup) in the morning and evening, with lots of cuddling, cradle holding, eye contact, and snuggles, ideally for his first year home.

4. We will limit B's interaction with other people at first (yes, this may include immediate family and close friends, yes this might mean that we are the only ones that will feed him, hold him, kiss his boo-boos, put him to bed, and meet any and all of his needs, yes this gets REALLY complicated when you factor in the fact that he will likely be in daycare after the first 3 months--we're still figuring out the best way to approach that!). Hopefully the carrier will help with limiting his interaction with others at first and hopefully our friends and family will understand--we'll definitely post more about this when it is closer to when B comes home.


5. We will interact with B using books, toys, and activities that are appropriate for a variety of ages birth-3 years old to see what will work best for B, teach him to play, and help him and us to engage (and shh...don't tell...begin bonding and attaching) with each other.

We fully anticipate that it will be hard, complicated, and full of dead-ends and wrong turns.  But, we'll do the best we can and have faith that we and B will become a securely attached family!  Like most things in life, attachment is more about the journey than the destination.  There's not a clear sign that says sunshine, roses, puppies, and lollipops--we have arrived in secure attachment land!  Attachment issues can rear their complicated head again and again, it's more a spiral corkscrew than a straight road...

P.S. lest you think adoptive families have all the attachment fun, the term and strategies regarding attachment challenges and disorders actually originated with diagnoses of children who were born into their forever families.  Yep, that's right, these very same issues can also occur in much loved and wanted biological children who are raised by their birth families in secure and stable environments.  Although factors like separation of mother and child after birth (often due to birth complications in the mother or child) can be very strong, a large determining factor is simply the child's natural personality and resilience....

B we can't wait to meet you (and we are hoping that you are resilient; flexible; and enjoy snuggles, eye contact, the Boba carrier, and being cuddled in cradle holds, but if you aren't we'll figure it out and develop strategies that help us all attach to each other as a family!)

Appropriate response to slowdown...?

As you may or may not have heard as of right now, Ethiopian adoptions will be slowing way down.  How much of a slowdown...how long of a slowdown...for what purpose a slowdown...these all remain to be seen.

Below is the US State Department Notice

 Government of Ethiopia Plans Major Slow-Down in Adoption Processing

Citing the need to work on quality and focus on more important strategic issues, the Government of Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA)  will reduce to a maximum of five the number of adoption cases it processes per day, effective March 10, 2011.  Under Ethiopian adoption procedures, MOWCYA approves every match between prospective adoptive parents and an Ethiopian child before that case can be forwarded for a court hearing.  The U.S. Embassy is working with Ethiopian government officials and adoption agencies to learn more about this change in procedures.  We will continue to share information as it becomes available.

Given MOWCYA's current caseload, the U.S. Embassy anticipates that this change could result in an overall decline in case processing of some 90 percent.  If this change is implemented as proposed, we expect, that parents who have begun the process of adopting from Ethiopia but have not yet been matched with a child could experience significant delays.  It is not clear if this change in procedures would have any significant impact on cases in which MOWCYA has already approved matches. 

Prospective adoptive parents should remain in close contact with their adoption service provider to obtain updates on individual cases.

The Embassy's Adoptions Unit can be reached at consadoptionaddis@state.gov.

Please continue to monitor http://adoption.state.gov/ for updated information as it becomes available.

Of course we will be extremely upset if B's adoption is caught up in this and heartbroken if it is not able to be completed at all; however, some of the response by American adoptive and potential adoptive families, adoption agencies, and advocacy groups has been, in our opinion, very unhelpful and inappropriate!

Instead of stomping our feet, sticking our heads in the sand, pretending it is ok for PAPs to request healthy infant girls as young as possible and acting suprised when that creates stresses and corruption in the system, let's stop acting like citizens of the developed world who think we have a right for some reason to the children of a less developed country and let's actually consider the entire issue!

We know that the Ethiopian system is not perfect.  We know that many of the inconsistencies begin at the local kebele level and during the relinquishment process.  These are exacerbated by Ethiopians' perceptions of the adoption process, their government, and their cultural and political system. they are further exacerbated by the American (and really the whole developed world) adoption process and demand for healthy infants as young as possible, preferably girls, and the amount of money the system generates in the US and in Ethiopia. 

Adoption can be a wonderful solution for a child and a family, but make no mistake about it, adoption is a business for many people in Ethiopia, in the US, and around the world.

I don't know what the solutions are.  I think a great place to start would be more, and more thoroughly trained, social workers at the local level in Ethiopia, more transparency in the entire process in Ethiopia and in the US, real and effective action on the part of the US government to close US-based agencies/facilitators that are known "bad operators" in Ethiopia and in the US, and a requirement for US agencies to not cater to PAP's demands for healthy infant girls as young as possible!

Of these four steps, I think the only one that would require any significant resources and collaboration by the Ethiopian government would be local social workers.  The rest may not be popular, but they would be effective, would have little to no cost to implement, and are entirely appropriate for the US to implement.

I don't think it is appropriate for the US to tell Ethiopia how to run it's court system, government, or adoption process. Perhaps, we as Americans should take a hard look at our own system of adoption and fostercare before we do that!  One of the major reasons prospective adoptive families turn to international adoption is because of how difficult it is to adopt through US fostercare, particularly to adopt children who are younger (by younger I mean under 6, and especially under 4).

Children are funneled through our fostercare system, growing up without a stable family environment or any sort of permanence.  Parental rights are finally terminated in cases of unfit parents, but that usually doesn't happen until the child is in late elementary school or is a pre-teen or teen and has many issues brought about by their complex background.  The child is then in a much more difficult place to be adopted and to bond to a new, permanent family. Domestic infant adoptions in the US can certainly be positive, but are often what most people would consider "baby selling" in Ethiopian adoptions (birth mother receives benefit/financial gain like medical care, living expenses, etc. and the facilitator/attorney/placing agency receives exhorbitant fees...). 

We have exponentially more resources than Ethiopia, yet America's system of caring for our children is very, very broken!

I hope with all my heart that the situation is Ethiopia is resolved and we will still pass court to adopt B before the court closure this summer.  More than that, I hope that the system is somehow changed for the better.

Someone posted on an Ethiopian adoption board today that "the system must be changed b/c it is unacceptable that even one child is trafficked".  Another person posted that "it is unacceptable that even one child dies because of this radical slowdown of adoptions".  I agree with both statements, but I also recognize that inorder to benefit the most number of children and Ethiopian families, the answer may not be so black and white.  I also recognize that adoption is not the solution to the economic, social, or other needs of the vast majority of Ethiopian children and families in desperate situations. The most beneficial solution may be for Ethiopia to work for the greater good by devoting all of its resources and energy into benefitting the much, much, much larger group of desperate children and families who are not benefitted by adoption.

My prayer is that God will somehow work in this tangled and imperfect system, moving governments, influencing people, and transforming the entire process.  I have no idea what the answer is, but I know that God does, and I know that he loves each and every child, mother, father, and family who is impacted.  He knows every hair that falls from their head, every hurt, every need, every situation, and He reigns over it all.  I don't understand it, but I do have faith in Him! 

We are not signing any radical petitions demanding that Ethiopia/MOWA return to processing a higher volume of cases, and quite disagree with that approach. But we did fill out the survey below in the hope that knowing the number of children who are matched with families and will be stuck in the system will be useful data for policy makers in the US and in Ethiopia.

Ethica response and survey

March 9, 2011

Finally, something smooth!!!

Wow!!!  Go USCIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We went in this morning for our fingerprinting (even though our appointment was for the 30th).

They open at 8am and we got there around 8:20, parked in a munimeter spot 1 block away (which is pretty much a miracle down there!), and we were done and out by 8:40.  The longest part of the process was waiting in the security line to enter the building.

best.government.office.ever!  Way better than the NYC offices like 1PP and the county clerk!

Staff were courteous, polite, and spoke english fluently, and the building/process was not crowded or backed up at all. It was so great that Ababa and I actually both took the time to fill out and hand in the comment cards!

So, YAY!!!!  Hopefully our I-171H is being processed as I post this and it will arrive in the mail soon (we're out of town next week so hoping we have a great suprise when we get back in town) then Ababa can do the last step of certification on 3/21!

Today I am calling with a few questions for our agency, namely is it ok that on my notarized medical form(which is a huge pain in the rear to get done b/c we have to bring a traveling notary to the Dr and this is the second time we've had to do it b/c our new agency requires a different medical form that our first agency) my Dr wrote that she just met me and had no idea if my immunizations were current (despite the fact that I've been her patient for 4 years, just saw her in Nov, and a year ago she did all my immunizations for grad school-including getting my vaccine records and administering a blood test for MMR antibodies that resulted in me having to get another MMR booster--all of which is documented in my chart which she clearly did not read while filling out this form...I wish I could find a Dr that I like in NYC)! Let's hope the form is still ok!!!!!

But, all groaning aside, if our medical forms are acceptable, there will be 1 day of Ababa running around city and state offices to get our dossier certified when our I-171H arrives and then we can send our dossier through the authentication process in DC and to Ethiopia!!!!  And then our paperchase will be done for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are praying that our dossier is in ET by 3/28!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that our agency has been diligent about B's paperchase even with all the recent changes in regulations and that his paperwork will be ready to be submitted to court!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One step closer to sweet baby-B (who is really starting to look like an adorable big boy in his photos:-)

On the have my cake and eat it too front-there was a clear reason why I was freaked and it's b/c my spidey sense told me that the proposed situation was no good. Well, it all became clear this weekend and I am so glad that it did!  So, we'll see what other interesting opportunities are out there or if I should focus on making the "cake" I have more palatable!