Yay-Ababa and Yum-Banana Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Frosting

Yay-Ababa got a 4.0 on his first semester of science classes and his first time back in school since 1999!!!!!!!!  All that hard work and long nights paid off!!!!

Yum-today I made the best "Egg-free" recipe yet:-)  Most are coming to work, but B and I have already sampled them, and we saved one for Ababa to celebrate his awesome GPA!

I combined a few different recipes I found online, eliminated the egg, made a few other tweaks, and WOW!

I got 30 cupcakes, but B and I *ahem* "tested" a lot of the batter in the process, I think it would easily make 3 dozen.

Banana Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Cream Cheese Frosting

CUPCAKES
• 2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 very ripe large bananas, peeled
• 7 oz container Fage 2 % Greek yogurt (or as B says, "yor-gort":-)
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract (I was out, so I used 1 tsp coconut rum and 1 tsp vanilla rum)
• 1 1/2 cup sugar (I would cut this down next time to 1 cup, maybe even 3/4 cup--also, I used half brown sugar and half white sugar)
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature

FROSTING
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar (or as much as is needed to get the consistency you want)

8-ounce package cream cheese, room temperature

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

1/2 cup smooth peanut butter,  room temperature (I used Jiff as all the recipes online said old-fashioned or freshly ground wouldn't work, but I might try those next time anyway:-)

1 tsp vanilla (I used 1 tsp coconut rum)

CUPCAKES

Cream butter and sugar until fluffy.  Mash bananas, yogurt, and vanilla together (I did this in my stand mixer first and then put in another bowl while I creamed the butter and sugar).  Stir or sift dry ingredients together. Alternately pour dry and wet into the creamed butter and sugar.

Bake in muffin tins at 350 for approx 20 minutes.

FROSTING

Toss everything but sugar into a mixing bowl and whip it together.  Gradually add sugar and whip until  desired consistency.

I was out of cupcake liners, so I made them myself (yes, I feel very Little House on the Prairie for doing that:-).

Fold a sheet of plain 8 1/2 x 11 paper to make an 8 1/2 X 8 1/2 square and trim off excess.

Fold 8 1/2 x 8 1/2 inch square of paper in half and in half again so that you have a 4 1/4 inch square stack.

trace a 4 inch circle and cut it out. (I used a ramekin, but then realized that the 8 oz tub of Philly cream cheese I was using in the frosting would work:-)

take the stack of 4 circles and rest on top of a 1/4 cup measuring cup.

press a slightly smaller bottle down onto the stack so that they pleat themselves into the measuring cup. (I used a bottle of kikkoman soy sauce)

Voila! Muffin liners, put in your cupcake/muffin pan and fill as usual.

They are a little looser than standard liners, but worked great!!!! Be careful when filling that you drop the filling into the center of each tin as these can slide around while you are filling if the batter is dramatically off-center.
And just for fun, here are some photos of B from memorial day, taken by our friend K.

Bonding and Attachment

I started this post in November and, well, life got in the way,  so now I am writing a post about the most feared, loved, and intensely scrutinized aspect of adoption...bonding and attachment.

Becoming a parent involves committing to meet your child's material needs, and also committing to love this child unconditionally.  It can be hard to love a child that the day before was basically unknown to you, and it is 1000 times harder when said child doesn't want to love you.  From the child's perspective you are a total stranger who has taken them from everything they have ever known.  Why should they love you?  You need to bond with this child and they need to bond with you, and most of the natural mechanisms for bonding that intuitively and necessarily occur with a newborn (feeding and changing multiple times a day, 24/7 care and attention, near constant holding and snuggling, eye contact, etc. not to mention to time in utero where mommy and baby have a special chemical and biological bond).  How do you recapture some of those things with an adopted child, especially a toddler who is developmentally testing limits and gaining independence?

Before I delve into attachment, I want to be very, VERY clear that B is an amazing child, he is resilient, he is loving, he is funny, he loves to cuddle, and we are beyond blessed that he is our son and we are a family.  Also, we are still struggling with exactly how much of B's history and personal experience we are willing to share (we want him to have the freedom to share the deepest parts of his story with people in the future if and when he wants) so I am not giving specifics of that here.

When we met B he was 2 years and 8 months old, he had had at least 4 different living situations and in his short life he had become intimately acquainted with illness, death, and loss.  His little body was covered with scars, he had limited language skills as he spoke his own hybrid version of Sidamingo and Amharic--neither fluently, and he was described as quiet, but loving music, books, and toys, but most especially quiet.

B was very withdrawn when we met him, although he would interact with us and the toys we brought (especially the bubbles and Ababa's watch), we was mostly quiet, wary, and passive.  We were all surprised that we got to have custody of B following court (our second day in Ethiopia) so I was beyond grateful that we had done a lot of reading and preparation before we left and in the weeks to come I was also grateful that I had brought the two favorite books with us (The Connected Child by Karen Purvis and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen).  They helped Ababa immensely as he finally buckled down and read them, were great refreshers for me when I felt clueless about what to try next, and B liked them too:-)

When B came home with us, he was very passive and overall just seemed shellshocked.  He'd put his head down and float his arms up if anyone made a move to pick him up.  He would have quietly gone with anyone.  He seemed scared and just kind of resigned and had some subtle but pervasive coping behaviors.  After a day or two he started to alternate between being in a passive shellshocked fog and long hour+ bouts of crying (usually either because he was angry he was told he couldn't do something or because he just seemed scared/sad/grieving).  It was hard and heartbreaking to see him so upset.

We started from the time we met him to try and implement some of the bonding strategies that we had read about and learned from other adoptive families.

*Full disclaimer, this is what we did.  Some things worked, some other things we tried didn't.  Every child, parent, and family is different and there is no one set of strategies/activities that work for everyone.  If you are an adoptive parent, do what works for you.  Learn as much as you can, gain exposure to as many different strategies and philosophies as you can, and then see what works for you and your family, but please do recognize that whether your child is 6 months or 6 years or 16 years, they will likely have some challenges due to their complex background and you will likely have some challenges from your own preconceived notions.  Bonding and Attachment is a two-way street, it's a family thing.  This is what we tried.  Do what works for you.  No judgements here!:-)*

For friends and family, now that I am sharing a little more about what we do and why, please don't try to use these techniques with B:-)  These are special things that we do to teach us all the mommy, daddy, and B relationship.  He loves extended family and friends and there is a lot of adoption research that points to involved grandparents and extended family as major influences in whether an adopted child really feels secure in his family, but first the mommy and daddy and B bonds need to be securely in place.  We are working on it, but we're not there yet.

By day 3 Ababa was freaking out, I was tired, and B was scared/tired/sad/angry/confused/and probably a million other emotions I can't even fathom.

• We used the Boba carrier extensively.  B loved it (and still loves it even thought we don't use it much anymore except for emergencies).  He clearly felt safe in the Boba.  He'd stop a full-on meltdown in 5 seconds flat when the Boba came out.  It was great for me b/c B was close and we could snuggle, etc. while he was in it and it was great for us as a family b/c it made sure that no one would come up and try to grab him, take him with them, or actively engage with him (all of which happened often in the very friendly Ethiopian society). For the first two months B was in the Boba 99.9% of the time when we left our guest house.  If he wasn't in the Boba, we were pretty much guaranteed a "situation" either in public or as soon as we returned to our room.

• I had brought bottles and formula for B.  He drank half a bottle the first day and then refused it for the next week (he had pretty much no suck reflex, none, so we focused on trying to develop that through straws). No big deal we thought, he doesn't like bottles.  Two weeks later we donated all the formula b/c he still wasn't interested, but kept the bottles for the airplane ride home in case they could help his ears, and wouldn't you know it...the next morning he woke up asking for a bottle:-)  Since then, he's had a bottle every morning.  It's a great time for cuddling, eye contact, and reciting our family mantras.  He loves it, I love it, and we're going to keep doing it until he doesn't want to anymore (or maybe when he turns four...whichever comes first). He pops out of bed in the morning chattering about "mommy, bottle time, mommy makes a bottle for B, bottle time, bottle time (giggle, giggle, giggle)".

• We have tried to distill a lot of what we want B to know about our roles in the family and say them multiple times each morning (and throughout the day):

         -Mommy, Daddy, and B, that is a family
         -We're a family, and families stick together
         -Mommy and Daddy's job is to love B, to take care of B, to keep B safe, and to teach B about God.  B's job is to love Mommy and Daddy, to listen to and obey Mommy and Daddy, and to learn about God. We're a family and families stick together (it's on here twice, we say it a lot!:-)
         -Mommy and Daddy always come home
         -Mommy and Daddy will always come to pick you up

•  We talk about the day's schedule everyday--especially who is going to feed B, put him down for his nap, and put him to bed and reiterate that Mommy and Daddy always come home and when we'll be back (and for the first 7 months at least one of us was always with him).

• We co-sleep...for the first 3.5 months B and I (mama) co-slept for every nap and every night.  B actually fell asleep on my chest for most of the first couple months.  Since October we've just been co-sleeping at night and B sleeps in his own bed for naps.  Co-sleeping has been great for us all.  Just snuggling together, hearing him breathe, feeling his heartbeat, smelling his sweet baby smell, those things all help me.  He clearly loves it too (although he's a total bed-hog:-) and snuggles up all night long.  We are gearing up to start transitioning B into his own bed and I'm not sure either of us are ready yet...we'll see how it goes...it may get delayed a little:-)

• We try to be very intentional with playing with B, interacting with him, promoting eye contact, and encouraging eye contact and appropriate family responses (hugs and kisses when we come home, eye contact when asking for things, as many different kinds of snuggles that we can think of...)

• Mirroring-B actually mirrored Ababa one day a few weeks in and it was Ababa's big breakthrough in bonding--he was like Karen Purvis is actually right:-) So, we try to encourage mirroring and want to focus more on that in the coming months.

• Skin to skin contact-newborns and infants get a lot of this, toddlers and older kids not so much.  So we try to take every opportunity we can.  B also gets a massage with babycakes or organic coconut oil every day or two after his bath.  We both love this time and it visibly helps him relax and let down his guard.

• We feed B by hand.  in the beginning, we fed him everything--meals, snacks, etc.  Now it's about 75% us and 25% him.  He responds well to it and it really helps with eye contact and interaction.  We also have feed us sometimes (with real food or with his tea set).  He loves this and it really helps all of us feel more connected.

• I was with B 100% for the first 3+ months, Ababa was then home with him exclusively for the next 4 months, and for the past month B has been going to "school" 3 days a week and is home with Ababa the other two.

In a perfect world, I would have loved to be home with B 100% for at least the first year.  That's not possible for us, so there's really no use spending too much time thinking about that.  I am grateful for the 3 months I had and am thrilled for the special time that Ababa and B have had.

Despite all the strategies we are trying (which again, help us as well as B--bonding and attachment are truly a whole family activity!) we still have some rough days.  B is a far more confident, secure, calm, cheerful, animated, child than he was when we met him in July.  He talks constantly, usually loves to snuggle, enjoys being with us, is gradually becoming more attached to us instead of being willing to go with anyone (but this is still an issue to some degree) and he will try to physically and emotionally push us away with regularity, but overall it is getting better.  

Ababa and I definitely feel more bonded to B.  When we first met him, we were fully committed to being his parents and were beyond thrilled that he was our son, but I would also see kids on the street and sometimes think "they could just as easily be my child"  "what makes them different from my son"  "why am I his mother and not theirs"?  I think in some very real ways I had indiscriminate mommy affection!

B is our son, 100%.  We could not love him more or be more committed to him if he had been born of our flesh and blood.  He is our son in a way that children on the street are not.  that distinction is very clear in my mind and heart.  He is my son, physically, emotionally, and spiritually!  We are now trying to find ways to handle how to explain his unique story and Ethiopian heritage, respecting those integral aspects of his history and identity, while still helping him to feel 100% part of our family, our heritage, and our son. 

We definitely make mistakes, taking two steps forward, but one step back, and not always being the parents that we want to be, but we are trying, and in his own 3 year old way, B is trying.  We've had some big hurdles recently with the start of "school" and one of us not being with him all the time, but by God's grace we are being knit together as a family.  It is a hard, painful, beautiful, challenging, inconsistent, unknown, uncharted journey, but it's our journey and we are a family, mommy, daddy, and B.  

6 months home...

I can't believe it, but our 6 month post-placement visit is this week!!!

Wow!

6 months home, 9 months being a family...one of my friends said that having kids is like a freight train to the grave and I can totally understand that now.  It feels like just yesterday we were meeting B at the orphanage.

We feel so beyond blessed to get to be B's parents.  We love him so much and are thrilled that in many ways he is doing GREAT and we are being knit together as a family.

His quirky personality emerges more and more each day and he is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.

We now understand why people in Ethiopia (the few who could understand the words he was saying which were a mix of Amharic and Sidamingo:-) would either look at him quizzically or bust out laughing.

B likes to make up words and thinks they are the funniest thing ever!  His faves right now are "lobby-toast" and "bed-is-a-bowl" (which he will deliver like a stand-up comic and then wait for the laugh...if he can contain the giggles that absolutely overtake him when he says it).

B is 100% pottytrained now except for naps and night.  We are tackling naps this week (pray for us as we see a lot of pee soaked sheets in our future:-( and nights we'll deal with at some point AFTER we are done co-sleeping!  We still do a morning bottle/cuddle time and are co-sleeping.  Co-sleeping we are going to try to transition out of this spring and the bottle we'll do as long as he likes it but this spring/summer we'll probably switch to a sippy cup.  The morning bottle and cuddle time has been crucial in helping B and mama connect before being apart all day.  I am so glad that we decided to do this, that B wants to do it, and for how much it has helped with eye contact and bonding!

We rarely use our carrier anymore and only use the stroller for long walks, like the weekly walk to church.  B had a really rough day a few weeks ago and we pulled out the Boba, he played in it all afternoon and it helped so much.  But I think that was the first time we've used it since October.  My little baby is growing up!!!

B goes to daycare (school)  days a week, ababa is home with him the other two weekdays, and I have weekends.  B loves school, but it has triggered some insecurities, concerns, orphanage behaviors, and some little set-backs in the bonding process, but all things considered school is going well and we are just being a little more intentional with bonding and cuddling and family affirmations at home.

B's a great helper, and loves to do projects now...fingerpainting, playdough, making cookies, taking down the laundry or recycling to the basement...B is all over it!  He asks to do projects all the time which is adorable.

B is so smart and really verbal...he talks all.day.long. seriously, the boy does.not.ever.shut.up:-)  (He takes after his mama:-)  He talks from the moment he wakes up until the moment he falls asleep.

He stays in church with us and does really well at being quiet and taking things in (it's amazing with how chatty he is that he obeys our churchtime directive to "listen with your ears, watch with your eyes, and whisper questions to mommy and daddy").  Today he shocked the heck out of me by reinacting communion with his tea set and cutting fruit complete with "mama, do thank you prayers to Jesus" "this is my cup..." (while raising his little blue tea cup) "this is my body" (while getting out a piece of bread from his cutting fruit set) and praying again.

His favorite songs continue to be jesus loves me, silent night, away in a manger, a few random praise songs (especially "The Great I AM"), his bible verse songs (thanks mom and dad for the GT CDs he's learning them like a champ!), and all of the twenty trucks DVD songs.  Oh yeah, I broke down and ordered the pack (CD, 2 DVDs, tshirt...the whole nine yards).  He likes to dace around to them and play air guitar and has memorized every song along with each truck name, function, and parts!

B has met all our immediate family finally (Grammy and G-dad were last weekend) and talks about everyone all the time.  He always wants to "pack a suitcase and go to Meesiana, Pennsylvania, Jersey, Unca R, Aunt V and baby Victoria's, UncaDandAnamanda (he says it as one long word:-) or Grammy/Grandads" and is really excited that Unca Adam and AuntieCole are coming to NYC at the end of March.

We talk about Ethiopia a lot and hope that he still feels connected to it in a significant way.  Ethiopia will always be part of our family.  The way we see it, B has two cultures, one by birth and one by adoption and Mama and Ababa have two cultures, one by birth and one by adoption.   We are making Ethiopian stew for our small group for Sunday, watch lots of Ethiopia videos, listen to Ethiopian music, sponsor children in Ethiopia, hope to go back for some long visits once he's older, hope to adopt again from Ethiopia (well, Ababa is still considering that one and we are waiting until this summer to see how the current process is with Ethiopia and the US Embassy...), and have lots of photos, books, toys, and souvenirs from Ethiopia around our house...but we are always looking for other ways to integrate Ethiopian culture into our family life and to introduce it more to our family and friends.

B still has giardia:-( and is still allergic to eggs...we're hoping that he is healed from/outgrows those both soon!  Other than that, he's healthy as a horse which is a HUGE blessing!

When we met B, he wore 2 T clothes, size 8.5 shoes, and 2T-3T socks.  B is now firmly in 3T clothes, the 2Ts fit at the waist but are pretty much all too short now, and is in 4T-5T socks and size 9.5-10 shoes.

So, six (nine) months in, we still have some challenges, but on the whole are doing great!!!  We are unimaginably blessed to be a family and are grateful to God everyday for the miracle of adoption he has worked in our lives.

You know that you've played too much Settlers of Catan when...

your 3 year old takes the cards out of his Memory game, holds them out to you, and asks, "week or ore mommy, week or ore?...Mommy, wood or week...wood or week?"  At which point you finally realize he is saying "wheat or ore...wood or wheat" and just about die laughing, before saying, "I'll take wheat please" and watching your 3 year old grin from ear to ear!

Yes, we got a little hooked on Settlers of Catan over Christmas and B is usually on mommy's team, driving his Hess truck around the table and helping to roll the dice on our turn:-)

Oh Lordy...!

Sometimes you are speechless as a parent, that was me today...

I got home from work.  B had had a fun day at school--made valentines, played games (one that was so fun that he had his first accident b/c he didn't want to stop!).... He was a little hyper and disregulated when I got home (which he usually is for 15-30 minutes when I first get home) but today he was oscillating between bouncing off the walls and climbing into my lap and cuddling (that is not usual).

He kept curling himself up into a little snuggly ball in my lap and then...wait for it...

He said:

Mommy, B in your tummy, baby's grow in mommy's tummy, B grew in mommy's tummy, B goes into mommy's tummy now.

The he said:

Mommy, there's a baby in your tummy, right now, right der, there's a baby in your tummy (FYI, there is most definitely not a baby in my tummy right now, we would feel blessed for that to happen in the future, but since we are still co-sleeping I am 100% sure that there is no baby "right der":-)

Then he said:

mommy, that's empty (patting my chest)...B see inside...B go inside now...B is mommy's baby and B goes in mommy's tummy. B see (pulling out my shirt) B get inside?!

This all happened in about 3 minutes of constant chatter...um...errr...what to say?!?!?!?!?!

I gave him a big hug and kiss, said that babies do grow in mommys' tummies, that he grew in his Enat's tummy  (Ethiopian word for mother) but that mommy was his mommy now and would always be his mommy.  Then I said there was no baby in my tummy right now (and that my shirt was staying on:-), but that we could snuggle as much as he wanted.

We have talked about adoption vaguely, and talk about his extended family in Ethiopia (his Enat and Abat are both deceased), read adoption-related books that are age appropriate, and talk about adoption-related things and our three months in Ethiopia frequently, I guess we need to expand on that topic now...

po-po and the Po-Po

po-po, aka potty, aka...B is daytime potty-trained!!!  My sweet little genius decided he likes to use the po-po.  We are now dealing with "do it myself" "B wipes it up" (not a good one as it involves about a roll of toilet paper and poop or toilet water all over the place:-() "cars underwear, mommy, I want to wear my cars underwear" and "uh-oh, shinte (pee) is coming".  We are still rocking the cloth diapers for naptime and night time, but yay for B!!!!

Po-Po-This is one of those I can't believe it happened to our family (namely Ababa) stories.  I am sharing this b/c I think that it's important for our family, other adoptive families, and other people who stop by this blog to realize challenges that are still being faced regarding race, and police, and the fact that your beautiful child will not always be an adorable baby/toddler/preschooler.

I grew up in a mostly white, rural area. Racial issues were not very obvious b/c there weren't any other races in the immediate vicinity (to the best of my memory, in my entire elementary school there was one black child, 2 vietnamese children, and one korean-american child (who had been adopted from Korea)).  I was taught that police were kind and helpful and safe and trustworthy, that their job was to keep me safe and to make sure that bad people were caught so they could be punished by the law.  Police officers were people who you went to when you were lost or had a problem.  My only run-ins with the law have been:

1. My early childhood friend and I being picked up and driven to school the first time we were allowed to walk to school by ourselves (we were in first or second grade and took our good sweet time walking and chatting, so we were late.  I think officially truant or something like that:-)  We got picked up by the neighborhood beat cops and arrived at school in style (the back of the police car).

2. A few speeding tickets, one was definitely deserved, two were questionable but whatever, if that's what the officer's raygun said, who am I to judge.

Ababa is black, he grew up in a small town in southern Louisiana where racial tensions are often simmering at or just below the surface.  He has had several encounters with the police, more than I can count actually.  Some of the highlights include being pulled over because of his skin color, being questioned because he turned around in the grocery store parking lot b/c he remembered that he forgot his wallet (a woman told the police she thought he was following her!), and being made to get out of his car because he "fit the description" of someone who had committed a crime...it turned out that the only trait they shared was their skin color...

As a couple, we encounter blatant racism with a fair degree of regularity (people changing tables at restaurants b/c they don't want us to be in their site lines, obvious looks/comments on public transportation, weird inappropriate comments, etc.).  As a family we are not any more conspicuous b/c everyone we meet assumes that B is our biological child.

But..this is 2012...we live in New York City...in northern Manhattan (a middle income neighborhood that is very diverse)...I work in a predominantly black neighborhood.  We're an upwardly mobile middle-class family and don't usually expect to encounter blatant racism in our day to day lives.  The police in our neighborhood are typically viewed (and routinely display these traits in our interactions with them) as    a busy, bureaucratic, disinterested, somewhat ineffective, but mostly benign entity.  We know about Sean Bell and issues of police abuse and brutality that are unimaginable to us but most of those instances happen in other neighborhoods and they seem distant to us.

Yesterday morning, Ababa and I dropped B off at daycare and then Ababa dropped me off at work.  After I got out, the light was red (so there was no oncoming traffic) so Ababa did what he thought was a legal U-turn.  He was pulled over by the police, he left his wallet at home in the rush to leave that morning but told them his name, address, birthday, social security number, that I was in the office building immediately in front of where they were, etc.

He was forced to get out of the car, made to put his hands behind his head and his forehead on the vehicle, he was thoroughly frisked, his pockets were searched, he was told that a Honeybun wrapper in his pocket with crystalized sugar was drugs, he was told the bags he carries to pick up our dog's poop were drugs, he was asked the same questions repeatedly (in an effort to get him to "change his story"), he was threatened by a policewoman who was aggressively holding her hand on her gun holster, there were multiple police and police cars called over and involved in the interrogation, and in the end, after 45 minutes of this, when it turned out that his information checked-out, an officer tossed the paper with his information on it through the car window at Ababa and said "this is your lucky day" and walked away.  he was never told why they pulled him over (we assume the u-turn, which I am pretty sure was illegal) and he was not charged with or ticketed for anything.  he got no explanation, no apology, nothing.

Those are not the actions of the police I was taught about as a child.  These actions are not helpful, designed to keep people safer, or respectful of humanity.

These actions are blatantly disrespectful, intentionally demeaning, aggressively hostile, and completely unreasonable.  Ababa and I have immense respect for good police officers, men and women who do their job with dedication, dignity, and a respect for humanity.  We have friends and family members who are police officers, and we recognize that sometimes times officers need to err on the side of caution to ensure their safety.  Fine.  but at a minimum, in the end, when it turns out your assumptions were wrong...an apology/explanation would be very helpful and should be required.

I am furious that this happened to Ababa, perplexed as to why a simple traffic offense turned into a 45 encounter with multiple squad cars full of officers, and flabbergasted that not one officer in the bunch spoke up to say "hey, we overeacted" or "here's why we did what we did, I'm sorry that you just had to go through this" or even "here's why we pulled you over".

I don't know for sure that Ababa was subjected to this because of the way he looked...but I do know for sure that this has never happened to me and I doubt it ever will.

As angry and sad that I am this happened to Ababa, I am even more concerned that this could happen to my son as he gets older.

What do I teach him about the police?

We're still here...again...

Hopefully next week I'll be able to actually post a proper update, but for now:

-We're here but very tired
-Huge job changes for me
-B starts school (3 day a week daycare/preschool) next week--insert big sniffs and tears from mama and ababa, our little man is growing up and venturing into the world--we are nervous about this as it could negatively impact the attachment and bonding that our family has been building. Please pray that this is instead a positive experience for him and for us.  We did a lot of research and picked what we hope is the best school for him in our area and have been preparing him for going to school.  He's 3 and we've been a family for almost 7 months, but it feels so soon and so fast for him to "leave the nest"...we're just barely starting to come out of the cocooning phase!!! But, this is what has to happen for our family right now if at all possible (we have a plan B if it absolutely doesn't work, but we're hoping that it goes well)
-Ababa starts school next week
-I started back to school last week

Did I mention that we are tired?!?!?!?!?

On a lighter note, today B clipped a clothes pin onto each side of his collar (so there was a pin hanging down from each collar point).  We had no idea why he did this until he seriously explained, "mommy, those are my windshield wipers" and they kind of did look like that:-)

We gave him his tea set last week (I bought it while we were in the adoption process and it's been sitting in the closet ever since) and he loves it.  Many, many tea parties each day and we have to pray before each one!  It's so sweet.  The other day he and Ababa were having a tea party when I was at class and he made Ababa pray before "tea" and said, "Daddy, we have to pray for mommy".  That put a smile on my face in and in my heart for the rest of the day!

Christmas According to B...

B: "Mommy, Baby Jesus is toilet man..."
Me: "Um..what?"
B: "God is toilet man...Baby Jesus is God...Jesus is toilet man"
Me. "?!?!?!?!?"
Ababa: "?!?!??!?"
B: "Mo-om-my, Jesus is toilet God and toilet man"
Me: "Oh!!! Jesus is totally God and totally man, yep, you got it!"

When he see anything Christmassy--lights, trees, stockings, etc.  B exclaims "look mommy, CHRISTMAS! Christmas is baby Jesus, fire, Kissmas tree, and pwesents"

His favorite phrases right now are:

 -Gwory Gwory highest...(insert hysterical laughing...not sure why, but he thinks this is HILARIOUS (Glory to God in the highest)
-Dashaway, dashaway, dashaway all...(more hysterical laughing)
-Free Hench Chens (oh yeah, Three french hens, we're singing A LOT of The 12 Days of Christmas around these parts thanks to this awesome book.

We have some good nativity books in the mail too:- )

The Theater:-)

Still busy, still can't find my camera cable to transfer photos to my laptop, still tired...but today was magic.

I wasn't working (yay!), I was just spending time with my baby while Ababa tackled Mount Laundry.  We all slept in, had a leisurely bottle/breakfast, got dressed, and then B and I took the A-train, and went to "the theater"!

We went to see a holiday dance tradition in NYC (not the one you are probably thinking of:-) and B LOVED it!!!!  He "looked with his eyes, listened with his ears, and whispered any questions to mommy".  He was a total champ!  ADORABLE to see him clapping after each piece, unable to hide his gleeful dancing and finger tapping in the seat with his eyes as big as saucers and a huge grin on his face.

And then...he got a backstage tour, got to meet some of the dancers, and got to walk out on to the stage.

Then...the day got even better.  We went to Whole Foods (his first time there and my first time there since before we went to Africa), we got vegan (Egg-free) chocolate chip cookies that are actually REALLY yummy and brought home the fixings for a delicious dinner:

Frozen organic pizza
arugula salad (that also used up some leftover mozerella cheese and apples we had at home)
the aforementioned vegan chocolate chip cookies

Yes, I feel like a total yuppie, but we had a great time!

B has been dancing around with a huge smile on his face all day...and...for one of the few days since I went back to work I actually feel relaxed and like I got to spend some real quality time with my son!

He was great, especially in terms of bonding/attachment stuff--held my hand (as opposed to me holding his), checked-in with me, watched me if I wasn't holding his hand, stayed near me when I let go of his hand to put something in our grocery basket...no tantrums, no whining, no brushing my kisses off, no tensing up when I touch him, even though he didn't have a nap and had a crazy, overstimulating day...just smiles, happy talking, eye contact, and giggles...I'm sure we'll have more tough days ahead, but today was just awesome!

So happy!!!

Thank you God for this amazing blessing!

(and Ababa had a relaxing day at home doing lots of laundry but taking a break from B which he was most ready for!!!)

Families stick together!

We had our first post-placement visit tonight.  Everything went really well and B was in a great mood, just talking to me the whole time.  He really wasn't interested at all in talking to the social worker.  it was nice to see him want to stick with us and not try to reach out to strangers!

But oh, my heart...after she left Ababa gave me a hug in the kitchen which B saw so he ran over to hug us too (he has started doing this recently, we love it, it's a big family hug!) and B gets a shy but huge grin on his face and says "families stick together" while he stretches his arms around Ababa and me!   

Dasicho Bib!

Betcha don't know what a dasicho bib is:-)  All in good time...all in good time...

We have had a big past few days:

• B's Dr's appt--where he had his first blood test
• Finding out that B has lost 2 pounds since we got home
• scooping vials of poop at home for a stool sample (this was all Ababa)
• family pictures by a professional photographer (really hope they come out well as B's undertaker look was in full swing
• B's baptism-very exciting for us and our church, but a little stressful for B so we're trying to make time for extra cuddles today
• a big Fresh Direct order...hey, that's major excitement in our house, especially since our elevator has been being replaced for the past month so we currently live in a 4th floor walk-up:-)

I'll probably post about each with photos (oh yeah, I totally took pics of the poop vials)...but for now, just know that we've been busy... very, very busy and our gem of the week in terms of B-isms is "Dasicho Bib".

What is a dasicho bib you may ask?  Well, "dasicho" means "bug" in Amharic, "bib" is pretty self-explanatory.  So, what's a "bug bib"?

Well...when B was getting his blood drawn at the Dr. they told him it would feel like a bug bite.  Then they put a bandaid over the draw site.  For some reason B decided this was a bib.  So, he started calling all bandaids "dasicho bibs"...

That's my funny, funny little boy!:-)

Yummy things to eat!

Oh my sweet child cracks me up everyday:-)

His newest thing is to say "this is B's yummy things to eat" whenever we are having something he likes for a meal.

The other day, Ababa told B what they were having for lunch, but kept checking his email for a minute.  B excitedly bounded off towards the kitchen, stopped halfway there, turned around, deliberately held out his hand to Ababa and said "Ababa, let's go, we have yummy things to eat!"

He is also convinced that any box or envelope that arrives is a present for him and will very determinedly declare, "mommy, this is B's present" if I try to open the box.

He also now thinks that all boxes should be opened with knives (since we get everything in the mail and it usually has packing tape, we run a knife through the tape before opening).  It will be a LONG time before he gets to open a package on his own.

He calls (m&ms--our current potty training treat) m-ms (the "and" just doesn't seem to stick) and his typical potty monologue goes something like this "mommy, diaper dry...B shinte on the po-po....mommy, he'll be back (we're still working on pronouns:-)...mommy's getting potty treat...mommy's getting m-m"

His favorite books now are "The Snail and the Whale" "My Lucky Day" "Chicken Soup with Rice" and "The Little Engine That Could" but he still loves any and all books, including his faves from ET.

His singing repertoire now includes "eeesseee beeesseee spidah (itsy bitsy spider)" "roooooowroooooowroooow (row row row your boat)" and "twinkle (twinkle twinkle little star)" as well as "Jesus loves me" and "Where is Thumbkin". He's learning patty-cake and the hokey pokey and is getting pretty accurate with his letters and r/l hands (obviously ababa is teaching him that, since mama still has issues with r/l:-).  Numbers are still interesting, 1, 2, 4, 6, 10, 3 anyone?  In our house, that's how we count right now:-)

Thank you so much for all the lovely presents and notes we've received in the mail.  We're slowly but surely sending out thank you notes, so hopefully by Christmas we'll be caught-up:-)

First World Problems...and however many million orphans...

Since we've been back in the US, life has been challenging in many ways.  In terms of bonding, attachment, becoming a family, we've been doing pretty well, 1. b/c of God's grace ('cause goodness knows we are far from perfect parents) and 2. b/c we've been working very hard on those things in positive, age-appropriate ways and in keeping B's world as close and Mama/Ababa centric as possible.  He's still figuring out what a family is and how to be part of one and we are still trying to figure out how to be his parents:-)  He may look quiet and shy and like we're one big happy family and everything is ok when we are out and about.  He's not, we're not, it's not, and we are all working very hard and processing a lot.   Please remember this and be sensitive.

Coming home from Ethiopia was hard for me.  We lived there for 3 months.  I went from 24/7 with B to back at work at a crazy job and on a good day only getting to see him for 30-60 minutes in the morning and about 1-1.5 hours in the evening.  I'm wading through insurance paperwork, readoption paperwork, our finances, post-placement report scheduling, figuring out childcare, making decisions about my school schedule and how I am going to finish my MBA (oh yeah, life is going to get even more "fun" in January), and trying to spend every minute I can at home with B b/c I feel like I don't have nearly enough time with him.

Ababa has been a great SAHD and is rocking out in his EMT class and figuring out his classes for January, but we're still navigating all the other aspects that go along with him being the stay at home parent and figuring out how to shift some of this crazy load from my plate onto his.

Last week I had one particularly awful day where I got stuck at work with my boss on one of the craziest tirades ever, waited for a subway for 40 minutes, made Ababa late for class and he missed a quiz, he had burned dinner and not done the laundry (which meant no clean pajamas or diapers for B), and when I met him by his class to hand-off/pick-up B I was near tears.  It didn't get better as he told me about dinner and the laundry and I walked home while pushing a cranky B (did I mention that transitions are still pretty tough for B?).

I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated.  I was fighting back tears and on the verge of just sitting on a stoop and crying.  A giant rat ran in front of us which B was convinced was a squirrel and thought was great, me not so much!  I ordered a pizza and kept it together enough to feed B, play with him, give him a bath, and put him to bed (in a disposable diaper I found in the closet, a long sleeved tshirt, a pair of babylegs, and an extra blanket).

Then I pretty much zoned out on the couch (literally, like clutch a pillow and stare into space zone out, b/c your brain is to fried to do anything) until Ababa got home and we discussed how to make things better and not have so much of this fall on me right now.  We're still figuring that out, but we're working on it.

The thing that is especially weird/hard/poignant/unfathomable...is that while I am stressed about all these things in my life, I am painfully aware of how insignificant these things really are.  We saw suffering and poverty that I couldn't even imagine while we were in Ethiopia.  We became very aware of the vast number of orphans (147 million is that statistic frequently bandied around, though that number is significantly larger than the number of orphans who need/are legally free to be adopted and significantly smaller than the number of people who live in abject poverty).  How do we help them?  How do I freak out about not spending enough time with my son and about my insane job and about our $1250 a month health insurance premium (yes, you read that number right!) when I have seen people who don't have enough to eat or drink, who can't walk, who are covered with visible tumors, who have nowhere to sleep and no one to love them or take care of them.

When I learn of orphans like the 6 month old baby in the DRC who was deliberately thrown into a deep cistern and left to die (he was rescued but was infested with maggots and will likely have long-term medical issues from that) or the precious little girl I met while in ET who was given to a witch doctor by her mother and was horrifically mistreated by him, and is now stuck in an orphanage but not able to be adopted (despite there being a family in the US who met her and desperately want to adopt her) or the little girl in fostercare her in NYC who has been returned to her birthmother but continues to be neglected and while the fostermother (who would be overjoyed to adopt her and/or to be part of her life) is still in her life in someways is very limited in how she can help.

How do my problems fit into this much larger web of problems?  Our world is sick and broken and in need of redemption!  That's really all I know.

Two videos that pretty much sum this week up for me (the first is about first world problems and the second was my anthem in ET.  They played it my first week at church in Addis and the tears just rolled down my cheeks for about 1000 reasons).

Fun days!

B came to my office at the end of the day yesterday (it was a childcare handoff b/c Ababa had to work an overnight shift in a hospital).

I had to stay late for an hour or so finishing up some work, so my handy assistant helped me file, pick-up copies from the copier, clean off my desk, and color on the backs of old presentations:-)

Then it was really late, so we got his favorite Indian food at a nearby restaurant.  He was a total champ, though dinner took forever and neither the food nor the service were anywhere close to Sangam's (I have GOT to figure out how to make yellow dal like they did!)

Then we walked to the subway and saw A LOT of buildings on the way.  B was yelling, "building, mama, that's a building, and another building, and ANOTHER BUILDING!!!!)  His eyes were as big as saucers and hw had a HUGE grin on his face!

Then we walked past two excavators parked on the side of the road and some piece of construction machinery that I have no idea what it was.  Then we had a special treat...PINKBERRY!  (We split a small with plain with kiwi and strawberries on one side for him and peanut butter with jam, chocolate chips, and coconut for me--delish! (and their peanut butter flavor is amazing!)

Then we rode the subway all the way home, took an escaltor, walked the 4 blocks home, and trudged up the 4 flights of stairs (our elevator is closed for the next month for an upgrade:-(  By the end he was exhausted and it was after 9:-(  He had a little meltdown getting ready for bed but was asleep about 5 minutes after his head hit the pillow.

This morning we were both abruptly waken-up by woosha barking his head off to announce that Ababa was home.  After breakfast, Ababa passed out on the couch and B, woosha, and I went for a long walk, played by the Hudson River, saw the Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Grey Bridge in person and had a great time.  There was running, walking on a beach, climbing rocks, throwing a slobbery wet ball for a neighbor's black lab who was out for his daily "fetch and swim"outing.  B took a loooooong nap today and then we got pizza for dinner (he still hates cheese but makes an exception for Domino's thin crust pizza).

What a great day!  I left my camera and phone at home so no pics, but I'll try to get some tomorrow (if the weather is good, we're thinking about picnic and playground after church:-)

Oh poop...it's a good thing you are cute!

Today was an "interesting" day.  B didn't sleep well last night, so Ababa and I didn't sleep well last night, so we were late to church.  After church we went to the playground.  B was tired and cranky but then got over it and had fun--he can't resist a good slide:-).  We came home and ate lunch (corn, potato, and squash chowder--this is important to know for later in the story) and then B went down for a nap.

So far so good...

Then at 5 I went in to wake B up.  He was just waking up on his own and was happy and cuddly, but his room smelled foul.  I thought it was the cloth diapers which were in their bag on the way to the laundry today.  I took him to the po-po like always after nap, unsnapped his diaper to put him on it, and was faced with a TON of poop (super nasty poop given his lunch).  The is the first poopy diaper B has had since he came into our care.  He has been adamant about pooping in the po-po (potty) since July 1 when he came to live with us in Ethiopia, even when he had giardia and was going 10 times a day with gross diarreah.

The poop was contained in the diaper (yay!  cloth diapers totally work:-) but it was everywhere.  While I was shaking it off into the toilet as best I could, before I could clean him off, woosha came up and started trying to LICK IT OFF OF B's BOTTOM!!!  GROSS!!!  AND...IT STARTED DRIPPING ON THE FLOOR!

Ababa was taking a nap, B was in a great mood and wanted to try and run around (with poop all up and through his bottom and halfway up his back), woosha was trying to get a "snack"....it was a poopstravaganza!

Question:  What do you do first when you have a poppy kid, a poopy diaper, a poopy dog, and poop all over the floor?!?!?!??!?!   Answer: Yell really loudly that Ababa's nap is over and he better get up RIGHT NOW:-)

I put the poopy diaper in the bathtub, wiped off the poopy kid, made the poppy dog sit/stay, wiped up the poopy floor, picked up the poopy diaper and rinsed it in the toilet, wiped off the floor, cleaned out the bathtub, ran a bath for B (wipes were just not going to cut it), and then when Ababa finally was awake and functioning, sent him downstairs with the week's worth of diapers to wash, including the most recent nasty addition.

B thought the whole thing was hilarious and has been in a great mood ever since (I would be too after the giant load he got out of his system!)

Not sure if his tummy is upset or what since he seems to feel great.  We only fed him a little fish and rice for dinner with just a few pieces of plum and is going to bed a little early just in case.

I really hope that this is a one time deal and he goes back to being poop potty-trained tomorrow (we're still working on the pee potty-training) b/c this was not at all fun!

Good thing he's so cute:-)

The pic is from Ethiopian New Year (Enkutatash) at our guest house in Addis.  I did not have enough hands to take any pics during today's incident--they were full of poop!

B-isms

Life as a family of three is going great.  We're doing well with bonding; spending time together; introducing B to our friends, family, and neighborhood, and learning how to be a family...we're not doing to great with laundry; responding to calls, emails, or gifts; or giving people detailed accounts of our time in Addis.  My job is very demanding and has proven to be very unfamily friendly right now, Ababa's EMT class is going well but very busy for him.  So, it's taking all we've got right now to focus on our family.  Hopefully in the next few months we'll start getting the other things together:-)

For now, here are a few photos and B-isms to introduce you to our amazing little guy.

B is a HUGE sponge and mimic.  He's pretty much fluent in English now and is great at letting you know what he wants.  He also repeats EVERYTHING, so mama is working on cleaning up her potty mouth (which needed to happen anyway).  Some our favorite B-isms are below.

"Mama, Happy Birthday Cake" "More candles...candles are fire...mama, candles"
I heard this for about 2 hours a day, EVERYDAY during our last month in Ethiopia as B's favorite activity was making playdough brithday cakes with candles (which meant I made the cakes and candles and then he cut them into little pieces).  B celebrated 3 birthday parties for other little kids and figured out really quickly the joys of birthday parties (namely cake and fire).  Since he's severely allergic to eggs, he only had cake once (only in Ethiopia is it common and relatively easy to get a "fasting" cake which has no milk or dairy:-)  We celebrated Ababa's birthday tonight with an egg-free Wacky Cake (mommy's recipe from college, cheap, easy, and yummy). B isn't really scowling, he just makes a serious face for pictures while saying "mommy, I smile"...and yes, mommy-fail, we had no birthday candles in the house (note to self-must rectify before B's birthday later this month) so I just stuck a taper in the middle of the cake.  It kind of looked like a torch:-)

B has discovered the joy of the playground, especially the slide.  he also got his first playground injury.  As you can see from this pic, he decided after many runs down the slide to mix it up by switching from seated on his bottom to lying on his tummy MID-SLIDE!  Yeah, not a great idea!  He wacked his face on the slide and got a bloody nose. (It's a sad miracle that I caught this moment on camera as we take pics with our crappy cell phone cameras that have 5 second delays on all photos, since our digital camera sucks the life out of batteries like no other...we're saving to get a new digital camera for Christmas:-)

We are still co-sleeping and I have to say it has greatly helped bonding, sleeping, and fostering a sense of family...but...B drools...ALOT...'nough said!

I was very sick for about a week after we got back from Ethiopia.  Once I was feeling better, we ordered pizza from Dominos one night.  The online order ticker was Pirate-themed and a parrot keept squacking "Auck, prepping your order".  B thought that was HILARIOUS and now walks around the house randomly saying "Auck, pemping your ordah"...B is a great eater.  Loves anything with fish and rice (his two favorite foods), soups, stews (like Ethiopian wats, Indian dals, chili, etc.) and he loves fruit (especially, apples, pears, oranges, plums, tomatoes...).  He also loves corn on the cob and chicken.  He cleaned his corn cob the very first time and had his first drumstick the other day.  He sucked the bones dry and even ate the cartilege!  The only foods that he really hates so far are pasta, cheese, pickles, and peaches.

He repeats everything we say, but doesn't always get the meaning quite right.  So, currently he says "that's gis-dusting" when he thinks something is good (b/c I say "that's disgusting" when something is yucky:-) and "mommy, that's Masty" when something is funny (b/c I say "that's nasty" when something is yucky:-)

We just started official pottytraining today (he has pooped in the potty ever since we met him, but pee is usually in his diaper:-(  He loves the book "Everybody Poops" (which Ababa and I think is kind of disturbing and gross).  We started rewarding him today when his diaper is dry AND he pees in the potty and he had a dry diaper all day.  So, we'll see.  After 3 months of diapers, and at almost 3 years old, it'd be awesome if he was potty-trained.  But, if he needs more time that's fine with us too...For now, we are using the bigger diapers in the awesome cloth diaper stash I amassed during the past 2 years and we're learning the joys of cloth diapering in the city...