I don't know why, but today was hard for me. So instead of blowing sunshine up your a#$, I am just going to be real:
-I hate that a little boy is sitting in an orphanage half a world away with no family to take care of him and that me and Ababa are sitting here with empty arms and an empty house with no child to love and raise and care for.
-I hate that my son-to-be is not the only child in this situation, but that there are many many many (some say 147 million) other children who don't have families who can take care of them...and that people and families who have the financial and emotional capacity to do something about it through humanitarian aid, family preservation programs, and adoption...don't.
-I hate that families who want to raise and take care of their children can't because of medical, financial, and/or social challenges.
-I hate the dense layers of inscrutable bureaucracy that stand between me and my son-to-be.
-I hate that there is no date to look forward to when I know that my child will officially be my child, my son, and will be home in NYC in our arms.
-I hate that there are children right here in NYC and NYS who need families who can love them and raise them but are not free for adoption and/or the process seems to be more heartwrenching and opaque than international adoption (and that we didn't have the courage to try harder to navigate that system...after B is home, we may try again).
-I hate that there are unethical agencies who believe the ends (or the dollars!) justify the means, and bribe, coerce, recruit, and otherwise interfere in negative ways in the child relinquishment and adoptive processes...and then have the audacity to do it all in the name of "God/Jesus".
-I hate that the issues that lead to the legitimate need for international adoption (and the potential solutions) are so dense, complicated, and of such magnitude that it seems to be insurmountable.
-I hate that at least one agency is currently telling their clients that the MOWA changes are adding another YEAR to the process (our agency, who I do trust, says they have not seen any slow-down yet and cases are still being processed at about the same speed as before the 5-case per day announcement).
-I hate that even with "normal" processing times, there is a good chance that our case will get stuck in the rainy season and B won't be home until Thanksgiving/Christmas.
-I hate that I am jealous (but also DELIGHTED:-) for families whose children are home, soon to be home, or almost through court...pretty much anyone who is further in the process than us!
-I hate that many adoptive families insist they only want to adopt healthy infants or infant twins, especially girls, and overlook toddlers and older children. (There are an absolutely adorable pairs of sisters who are 6 and 8 on our previous agencies waiting child list. They've been on the list for at least 2 months and still aren't matched with a family! Families, I love you, but if you want "sugar and spice and everything nice" it is right there in front of you, times two! There are also some amazing diamond in the rough boys who are around the same age and our current agency has waiting boys in the 2-3 year old range and older. And honestly, adoption shouldn't be about how little or young or cute or handsome the child is... This is a child, not a puppy, not a doll, not a toy...this is a human being who needs and deserves a family just as much as you, and your current children/friend's children/neighbor's children...you get my point:-) and I say that as someone who didn't feel ready to jump directly into parenting an older child or a teenager and as someone who can't adopt a large sibling group in our current little 2-br NYC apt, but God is working on my heart and perspective! Open your heart and your family and adopt. Love these children--boys, older children, sibling groups, children with a variety of special needs (including some very mild/correctable ones)--children who families are ignoring, not just the cute little babies who families are clambering to adopt and waiting years to be matched with).
-I hate that I am PMSing b/c it makes me mopey and reminds me that not only is our adoption out of my control and subject to some major delays and uncertainties, but that for at least one more month a child won't be joining our family "the old fashioned way" either.
I love that we are matched with B!!!!! I love B (even though we have never met, I love him, pray for him, think about him constantly, and can't wait to meet him). I love that God is good and knows us, and knows B, and knows the desires of our hearts. I love that he knit B (and me and you:-)!) together in our mother's wombs. He knows every hurt and every hair that falls from our heads and His timing is perfect...but i also know that this hurts and does not make sense to me and today was hard...hard, hard, hard!
Mopey Mondays suck!
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